Austin, TEXAS, December 22, 2005 — I seemed to not be able to make my own decisions today. What others suggested I was tempted to do and, in most cases, actually did.

I attribute this to having nothing scheduled. It made me a protean blob. I should have been attacking my own long range 'to do' list. Doing chores that always need doing. Writing the great American novel. But I was just subject to suggestion.

I was sitting, tousled in my bathrobe, trying to post an entry to Holidailies, when a friend called. She was taking my

Dad to lunch and was seeing if I wanted to go, too. I was tempted. But FFP had sort of suggested a lunch outing and I hadn't showered or dressed or worked out. So I said that Dad would enjoy just visiting with them. I'd see him plenty over the weekend. I was tempted, though, but just too lazy to follow through.

I did get to the gym. FFP and I took separate cars. He said we should go downtown and have lunch. I thought it was an OK idea and he had been doing so much volunteer Nutcracker stuff that he hadn't had time to just have fun together. I told him I'd cut my workout short and come home.

We both got showered. In the process we both weighed. Neither of us was happy but he reacted by saying first that he was only having a salad for lunch. Then he said he'd eaten a big breakfast and wasn't hungry yet.

"We could go later," I offered.

"OK."

Finally though I offered that we didn't have to go out to lunch. Because I knew he didn't want to. And he didn't want to and we didn't. I wasn't upset that I'd cut my workout short to come home and get ready. I was secretly glad that someone else had been there to tell me when to stop. Since I didn't seem capable of making decisions today.

Of course, I hadn't eaten a big breakfast. Or any breakfast. So I ate lunch, digging out of the frig some bag o' salad, carrots, green onions, chicken we'd diced and spiced for tacos and some Sister Sass Sesame Garlic dressing (the only dressing I could find...but three bottles of that). I had a Clementine, too, trying to avoid the candy I always get for Christmas and can't resist.

My day loomed in front of me. I had nothing to do. Nothing I really had to do. No dates or appointments. FFP said our bookkeeper/friend would come by later to exchange gifts. FFP had to go to The Nutcracker backstage duties at six or so.

Even the dog wasn't going to be much of a pain. The vet had said to leave the pressure bandage on until Friday. She was wearing her little T-Shirt over it and seemed to be doing fine. We didn't have constant nursing duties and didn't have to lock her up in the bathroom to drip sera on the floor and be checked on hourly.

I'd like this story to end by me saying that I either (1) accomplished some things that had been pending for a while on my 'to do' list; or (2) relaxed and read or watched a DVD or learned something.

But, no, not really.

Whenever I would focus, the dog would ask to go outside. She was actually doing some good, too. (We were giving stool softener/laxative stuff.) FFP sent me several emails about financial stuff (I know, it's lame to send emails back and forth from room to room but it is an easy way to send links and stuff). He mentioned a spreadsheet that I was supposed to be working on. My excuse is that I hoped year end statements from our brokers would make it easier. But really I was just procrastinating. Since I was incapable of deciding how to spend my time, I started on it. I had made a couple of false starts. I just picked one up and started trying to get its info correct, armed with two November end statements and several WEB sites. It was slow going. I would get conflicting info and then finally figure it out. It was vaguely satisfying, though. At least I was doing something. I made a pact with myself to work on it until our bookkeeper stopped by.

When our bookkeeper/friend stopped by, FFP and I both stopped what we were doing and visited. We gave her a gift (an attractive custom-made stocking with a gift certificate to an art store, a wind-up LED light and some designer soap) and she gave us a neat gift: a cutting board designed and shaped like a book. She said it should be the only cutting board we take to the condo we are always talking about downsizing into. That sounded like a good idea. We had coffee and candy. We talked a while. She said I should go with her and another friend to a movie tonight. King Kong. I jumped at the suggestion although I wasn't going to go to Alamo South alone. (I hate driving at night.) And it meant there'd be one more movie that either I or FFP had seen alone. And I needed to connect with my other friend who was going and ride with her. After bookkeeper/friend left I tried to do that while continuing my spreadsheet work. The mail came and I welcomed that interruption, going through it all, sorting out envelopes with addresses from Christmas cards and checking the database, writing an email. I'm driven by interruptions.

I did locate my friend. She drove but drove my car because hers had a little problem. (Which confused me. I was about to tell her her car clock was fast when I realized it was my car.) We went to Alamo South around 6:30 and got tickets for all three of us. I went inside to wait and save seats while she waited for our friend.

"You want my watch?" I asked, taking the cheap Timex Ironman off my wrist. She never wears a watch. I'd offered to be the one to wait outside but she wanted to do it.

"No...uh yes, if she doesn't come by ten 'til I'm coming inside." So I gave it to her.

They came inside soon enough but didn't see me at first and sat somewhere else. Then they saw me and came over.

"Do you have my watch?" I asked. I wanted to know how long until the movie started as I wanted to order and go to the bathroom.

She couldn't find it anywhere...purse, pockets. I said don't worry. She went out to the bathroom and looked. She found a watch of her own in her purse! But not mine. This friend has a reputation for losing and dropping and destroying things she's borrowed from me. It's a curse. Having to have her drive my car at night and losing control of a possession (however insignificant) unnerved me a little. But it was OK. I just wasn't my own woman today anyway.

King Kong finally took the screen. And I mean finally. I couldn't believe he had to share so many screen minutes with egregious footage of all this drama before the ship sailed, on the ship, with the natives and with all the other creatures like the head and limb sucking creature. He didn't even get to be the star on the island where he was king, I didn't think. I think the raptors and Jack Black upstaged him.

I couldn't wait until they got to New York. Although I thought one shot of how they managed to get the critter aboard and get back might have been nice. What a time to get cheap! Sheez. I mean the Jack character (Adrien Brody's) and Ann (Naomi Watts) could have kissed some more or wrung their hands over Kong. For a minute. Out of 180 plus. Anyway, they were finally in New York. I came to see cars and blonds flung around and the Empire State building climb and I was only a little disappointed. Kong was his own man from the time he busted the chains until he made the plunge.

When I got home, there were two packages that had arrived. My niece who chases a couple of parttime jobs, has two kids (three and five) and never has a moment of her own had sent some gifts for me and FFP and Dad. That's lots of motivation. She got out Christmas cards, too. It made me feel all the worse for not being my own woman. So, of course, I went to the bedroom and watched the episode of The Simpsons where Homer blows up the church, Mr. Burns rebuilds it with sponsorships and Lisa, ever her own woman, er girl, becomes a Buddhist.