A collection of martini shakers, chrome coffee servers, syphons and bar accesories. There are at least thirty items in this collection.

Dozens of small bags and containers for packing things for trips.

A 90 quart, a 48 quart and a six-pack size cooler. An insulated Nissan airpot. Two Nissan commuter cups.

A custom-made, marble-top metal writing desk/

A round table bought at a charity auction, a round glass custom table, a mission-style end table bought at an antique store, two custom metal and marble-topped tables, a dining table with pop-out end leaves and many scars (from FFP's grandmother), a painted parsons-style breakfast table FFP brought to the marriage, a folding card table I've had since before we married. An ottoman/tray-top table we just bought for the new bedroom.

Two trains you make from Legos.

Two Swiss Army Knives. About thirty kitchen knives including several sets of steak knives.

Four or five good pans and skillets and a few old beat-up dutch ovens, pans, and a cheap old double boiler plus a couple of iron skillets and miscellaneous pots and pans like a roaster.

Several dozen spoons, forks, knives and specialty flatware including a little mismatched silver, some good stainless and the stuff FFP and I started our own homes with.

An old, collectible toy pinball machine plus a more recent era toy that actually works except it's missing one little plastic leg so you have to prop it up on something. I should get rid of these things.

A trumpet, a guitar and a saxophone. And a music stand. And one of those electric pianos with a full-size keyboard.

One of those brightly-colored Oaxacan surreal 'animals' bought cheap at a junk shop.

Two art deco bars with the cool fold out mixing shelves.

A carved wooden cartoonish cat, kind of flat.

At least three crock pots that I rarely use.

A roll of Buffalo nickels.

A folding luggage rack...you know one of those things that folds out and has straps to support a suitcase...like in a hotel.

Four bathing suits, only one of which I ever wear.

About a dozen martini glasses.

Seven or eight little pitchers with adverstisements for Pastis.

An interesting black console table with a sort of vitrine top.

A bowl with four seed-covered balls and a couple of wooden apples.

A yellow tool box containing a hammer, a rubber mallet and a variety of other tools.

A large decorative shell on a stand.

A woven wood salad bowl, fork and spoon and six individual bowls. I've had this forever. My old maid aunts may have given the set to me.

Letter openers. At least five.

A hand-turned wooden container full of paper clips.

Two laser printers. Well, that are installed. There is one in storage. I don't know if it works. But we should ditch it. Old technology.

Four palaset storage cubes. Two with doors, one with drawers. My TV, cable box, wireless router and knickknacks sit on them in my office. I had a desk made out of these when I lived in Dallas, twenty-nine years ago.

An external SCSI Jaz drive and four gigabyte disks. I don't use it and I've copied the contents to a hard drive.

One Buzz Lightyear room guard. Disarmed.

Mufflers. I have a couple. One I sort of care about that I bought in Germany in 1972. Forrest bought a couple. On sale at GAP. And has another one that came from where I'm not sure. He lost a silk one once. In New York City. He treasured it because, I think, it was his dad's. That was too bad.

A giveaway puzzle ball with the name of my old company on it.

Two fire safes.

Three jointed wooden snakes from Mexico.

Coffee Tables. We have only two, in use and one is against a wall, with this and that stacked on it. One is a sculpture of a young girl holding a glass top.

Cataloging the furniture would be a chore. But there are four couches in the house and two make into beds but only one is really comfortable.

Flashlights. I'm guessing here, too lazy to count. But I'd say we have at least a dozen. Various sizes and varieties. But if the lights go out, will we find one? And will it have batteries that work?

We bought a new vase at the silent auction benefit. We have lots of vases. As mentioned previously. This one is perfect for the new room on the new table.

Coasters. Deckels. Designed to keep the rings off the furniture. A score of them at least. If you don't count another score of souvenir deckels.

One of a kind items. We have a little silver and enamel antique dance purse with little compartments inside for coins and a little pencil to write on an erasable dance card. Bought at a charity auction. We have an forged and reposé candle holder made by a one-time friend. We have a hat rack, similarly. We have nine unique outdoor welded found object sculptures.

Filing cabinets. Let's see: two in my office, upright and lateral. Both stuffed with disorganized arrays of folders. FFP's storage has two old beat-up ones containing what? Years old media kits and customer files for long-forgotten customers. His office has two drawer file cabinets in several desks.

Denim shirts.
Four of them hang together in my closet.
I 'inherited' one from my mother. She bought it at a 'Dixie' Truck Stop and it sports their logo. (Dixie was her name.)
Two have the logo of my old company. The third is sloppy and has bleach marks and could use ironing. I choose it to wear today. For a while, anyway.

Vases. At least a dozen. More if you count ones we aren't using, ones stuck away somewhere. Even though I give away florists' vases now and then. At least two were purchased at charity auctions.

Backpacks, suitcases, luggage.
I have four of five I actually use and eight or nine other ones.

T-Shirts.
Polos.
Really you only need about ten or twelve.
Just so you don't have to launder.
All the time.
They eventually wear out.
Get holes from all the sweat and laundry.
I have at least forty of these shirts.
Geez.
That's nuts.

DVD players.
One standalone. One VCR combo.
VCRs.
A dead one.
Three others.

Little Volkswagon toys.
Cheap, new, old, collectible.
Six of them.

Some little gadgets.
Two label makers.
Two little translator things.
A little calculator.
And a calendar/clock/calculator.
Which needs batteries.

Chairs.
I counted twenty-six.
Without trying.
So maybe there are more.
Several sets and one of a kind ones, too.
A couple are works of art, in my mind.
One was purchased at a chairity [sic, sick?] auction.

Small appliances.
A toaster oven.
A two slice toaster.
Three coffee makers.
A blender, rarely used.
A coffee grinder.
Two microwaves.

Writing instruments. Pens, pencils, markers.
They are everywhere. In drawers, in cups on counters and desks. WIthout bothering to count I'd guess 200 or more. Of course, then you never have one handy that writes.

Things which hang on the wall.
Let's not count posters in tubes and framed things stored in closets. Just paintings, photos, prints, lithographs, plaques, artifacts and certificates that are hung on the wall or leaned on a piece of furniture. There are sixty or more!

Scissors.
It once seemed a worthy goal to have a pair in every room, handy.
I'll bet we have more than that now. I bet I could find ten pairs of ordinary scissors, some kitchen scissors and three or more scissors that make decorative cuts.

Suits.
I count seven. Pants and jackets for six. One skirt and jacket. One jacket and pants and skirt. These are all custom-made but starting to show their age.I also have two blazers. Actually I have more blazers somewhere but they haven't made it to my closet. Maybe they won't make the cut.

Souvenir wine bottles.
These could go to recycling right now.
But they stand like soldiers.
Souvenirs of a lifestyle.
The La Grande Dame squatting next to tall-shouldered and proud Petrus.

Clocks.
An informal survey, not counting the ones on computers and cable boxes and microwaves and coffee pots..
The cow one.
The atomic clock connected to Colorado one.
The deco one refitted with a battery-operated clock.
The modern one just bought for the bathroom.
A plastic one in the storage room.
One in FFP's office.
Ditto the front bathroom.
The one with giant LED digits by our bed.
The frog one. (Yep, there is a cow and a frog clock.)
The old one that belonged to FFP's grandfather...not ticking.
Another couple of alarms.

TVs.
You can only watch one at a time.
Two are actually in storage.
But six of them are plugged in and five of those are attached to digital cable boxes.
I could watch one while I sit here and type.
But I rarely do.

Jeans.
I have some blue ones, various washes and some black ones.
They are all Levis.
They are all Men's 550 (actually just one pair of these...and they fit best) or 560 style.
They all have 30 inch inseams.
Some are 34 inch waists (which fit best) and some are 36.
I have twenty pairs of jeans.
Oh, my.
Surely I won't need jeans for many years.
Why didn't I notice, before the new closet, that I had so many?
It's true that I panicked a few years ago when I thought they were discontinuing the 560's.

Salt and pepper shakers..
I found a pair that look like Lego blocks.
I decided that the only way to keep such a thing is to fill them and use them.
I have at least ten other salt and pepper shakers.
Which is not as bad as it sounds.
I have a little set of miniature ones for dinner parties so that you can have a pair at every place or two.
Of course, everyone has those cardboard containers from the store of salt and pepper.
There was probably a time when that's all I had.
I rarely add either salt or pepper to food.
Maybe a bit of salt on a boiled egg.
I salt water when I boil it.
Add salt and pepper to a recipe.
Sprinkle a bit of pepper on my tomato juice.
There was a time when salt and pepper were precious commodities.
No they are universally available.
And most homes have multiple containers with these ubiquitous substances.

Coffee cups.
There is usually one on my desk.
Sometimes a pile at the sink in FFP's office.
I figure we have about fifty coffee cups.

Phones
A quick count, just of ones in use, is fourteen.
John, who helps us with wiring, says we need to put a new box outside.
I think we have five separate lines, one wired for DSL, no longer in use.

Globes.
I once had a collection of them.
I guess I still do.
I make a rough count of twenty-two.
A world of earths.

Cameras.
I still have three digital ones. (I gave away the first one we ever had.)
And a 35MM point and shoot Olympus.
And an APS Nikon.
And a Canon XL1 I've never really used but to test it although other real experts have borrowed and used it.

Robes.
One says 'LB' and one 'FFP.'
One is embroidered from the now defunct Metropolitan Club.
One is an official USA swimmers robe.
There is a waffle weave one and another that is also waffle weave with terry lining.
There is a silk robe.
A couple of linen ones.

Books.
We have boxes and shelves and piles of them.
Once I started a database.
Occasionally I update it even.
It lists 2912 books.
There are books on obsolete computer topics, old textbooks, great novels, bad novels, conspiracy books, biographies, short stories, on and on.
Even books in other languages and antique travel books.
I'm sure there are more than 2912 although some in the database are probably lost...loaned and gone missing.
There are others that aren't in the database. Like the two we bought yesterday.
Best guess? 3100. Or so.

I have several watches.
Maybe eight or ten.
OK, eleven, no twelve.
Most are cheap.
One a give-away.
One is a Swiss Army Watch.
One a black Swatch.
Two are gold.
They are in the safe.
I rarely wear them.
They do work, if you wind them.
Seven of the battery operated ones need batteries and one needs a band.
A lot of times now, I don't wear a watch during the day. The clocks in the gym and in the car suffice for my loose schedule.
But I have twelve watches.
Each wit a story, some of which I remember.
The black Swatch bought at an Australian airport.
The Gucci (band damaged, no battery) bought by FFP for me in Las Vegas.

Umbrellas.
We must have six or seven or more.
Some in the cars.
Some by the front door.
My favorite fish-handled one, my friend Deb gave me.
I don't take it inside the gym but choose a shabbier one.
I don't want to lose it.
When we go out, there are none in his car.
I've brought the fish-handled one.
I go back inside for a orange and white striped one for him.
The ungainly umbrellas.
Balance while having a drink before the ballet.
Under our seats.
Under the caterer's table backstage.
But we remember them.
And it isn't raining when we leave.
Because
We have umbrellas.