AUSTIN, Texas, November 11, 2005 — When I worked, I don't think I was as aware of all the little choices we make every day. I had to do a number of things: get ready, drive to work (I'd try different routes but there were only so many), work and while there respond to many things that weren't of my choosing. When I was off, the have-to-dos crowded in, too. Getting errands done, sleeping, etc.

In retirement, every day seems to have a thousand more choices. FFP and I keep a calendar and try to consult it before saying 'yes' to social events. There is ample time in every day for normal household stuff, reading, writing,

exercise, study, day dreaming. I guess anyway. I feel rushed all the time. And the days are full of agonizing choices of what to do.

We'd made an appointment today to have the Accord get its regular maintenance. One of those those errands you do. We used to fit it in with work, maybe by me giving FFP my car and getting a ride home. It was an inconvenience but we would fit it in. Today we got up early to get it in the first wave and get it out again today. I went over there and picked him up and we just headed to the gym. I had a pretty good workout although I felt rushed because he was there so I cut the biking short at thirty minutes and did a few weights.

When we got home from the gym I kept trying to choose among all these tasks: laundry, making food, getting address labels done for my holiday cards, e-mail, journal. The laundry got done, but FFP mostly did it. I made some tuna fish salad. I got a bunch of labels printed. I published yesterday's journal. I sent a few short emails. And somehow it was time to get ready to go to the Austin Museum of Art for a lecture. And I hadn't even had a shower. So I rushed around and got dressed.

It turned out not to be a lecture, though. Just an opening. We had some food and drink and looked at the show The art of Tom Lea and Dr. Seuss. You would think that they were very different artists and they are but both are narrative artists and Tom Lea did book illustration and such.

A friend who lives near by had sort of casually, offhandedly asked me to come by tonight. I thought I would, too. An old friend was there, visiting from out-of-town and other people I hadn't seen in a while might be there. But when we got home I felt tired and the invitation was off-handed, not followed by an e-mail or call. (Although I remember saying an e-mail wasn't necessary that I would remember.) I sat down to think about whether I'd go and maybe put a few things on the DVR list. My cousin's wife called and wanted me to do something for her and we discussed and she was going to call back and that sort of iced it. I waited for the call back, but decided that was my excuse for not going. I didn't feel that bad about it. If they invitation had been more firm, though, and my response more positive (I'd mentioned we had this other thing) I would have felt bad.

So we watched stupid TV shows that I no longer really care about. Numbers is a show I thought I was going to like. Math after all is something that interests me. But all these crime shows are starting to just run together. Must just watch movies. Really. Well, sleep came hard, too, because we seem to have stayed up too late, gotten up early for a while.