AUSTIN, Texas, August 17, 2005 — I wake up early and get up, too. I have this idea that I should turn over a new leaf. Do things differently. However, I sit at my computer, as usual, answering e-mail, drinking coffee and writing my journal which I post, hurriedly, at a few minutes to eight. I dash in to get on my bathing suit and get my stuff together and get to the 8:15 water aerobics at the club.

Dad is there, sitting beside the pool, when I arrive. I'm still early. He has retrieved the foam noodles and styro 'weights' used in the class from storage.

I climb in. My new bathing suit seems to work OK. Buying bathing suits is hard for me. One piece anyway...I have to order a 'long' to fit my odd body. They have these things now called tankini which are two pieces but the top meets the bottom. Haven't tried one of those. I hate buying clothes, because of my weird body, I think. But sometimes you have to do it. My body is weird in that I have a thick waist in comparison to hips and bust. Not just that I'm fat. Shut up. But that the ratio is not normal. Plus my torso, the distance from shoulder to crotch is long for a female. Making my legs somewhat shorter than they should be for my height. Actually, everyone has a weird body in that the 'averages' used in sizing are not quite right. But I think it's worse for some than others. I have solved blue jeans by buying men's in a relaxed fit with the waist and inseam measurements I need. I have solved pants and blazers and skirts by having them custom-made in the past. Ditto blouses although that's not quite as difficult and can be solved by buying Men's to get a longer shirttail so they stay tucked although that often leaves sleeves and shoulders not fitting just right. Oh, yeah, I have scrawny shoulders and arms in spite of my fatness. I can't really afford custom-made clothes now. That's very expensive. But the new bathing suit is OK, the long torso making it span the extra distance almost completely comfortably.

We discuss movies and food and kids in college. I ask Dad what he's going to do the rest of the day and he says he is going to 'put out a wash.'

I go into the gym and change into workout clothes and do some weight stuff. I feel good today. I want to do 'better' today. I don't exactly know what that means. I think it means do things a bit differently or do different things. But I bet I do the same old things. There are movies to review. A friend's birthday to celebrate tonight.

I do a few things for FFP. Optimize a picture and get it ready for publishing with his column. Proofread something. I eat cereal and nonfat yogurt, a banana. I watch a DVD that has difficulty playing on my computer. A little after noon I decide that I will get a shower and maybe get a present for our friend for the celebration tonight. And...I think maybe I'll go try on some hiking boots. But I actually briefly get distracted by my box of old journal jottings. If I organized this stuff and, maybe, tossed some and typed up some I could reduce the bulk of the stuff I have.

I got the shower and wandered up to the Gateway complex. I went into REI and tried on three different pairs of hiking boots (putting each back on twice) and ended up with some identical to a pair I have, only new and not broken down. And never soaked in sea water either. I looked around a bit and picked up one of those tiny compasses on a keyring. I had one of those but it got broken. I didn't get anything else.

I walked across the parking lot to Smith and Hawken to see if they had anything that might be a gift for my friends. Nothing leapt out at me. I drove over to Williams Sonoma on the other side of 183. I thought this was going to be a bust, too, but then I noticed a casserole with a stainless stand and bookends with Eiffel towers on the sale table. I decide that these will make good gifts. Who knows about gifts anyway? People like to be remembered, I suppose. Hopefully the gift shows you remembered, thought about them. But really gift giving is hard and fundamentally flawed. When you spend your own money on yourself (e.g. the hiking boots) you may not get satisfaction equal to the money spent but when you give something the 'economic shrinkage' is even greater. But that's not really the point, is it?

That was all the shopping I could stand. I feel almost no desire to buy things these days. It's a chore, it seems. I went home. Discussed FFP's trip to New York with him. Put a bow on the box for the gift for tonight. Too big to wrap in my opinion. I'm a terrible gift wrapper anyway. If it won't fit in one of those gift bags, forget it. Anyway. I snacked a bit and then went to my computer and sorted through e-mail. It was then that I remembered I'd had a meeting today of the House and Grounds committee for the club at noon. Completely forgot. However, I don't think I have much effect on this committee so I didn't worry about it much. I usually just go to see what gets decided. I sent an email apologizing to the chairman and the club manager. I said 'something came up.' Well, actually nothing came up in my head to remind me to go and for some reason and when I looked at the calendar it was positioned to the evening event cutting off the meeting. It is rare that I forget something I put on the calendar. But there you go.

I get home from shopping and snack on some cheese and tortilla chips and green onions. The cereal and banana didn't sustain me. I eat too much considering we are going out to dinner in a few hours.

We meet our friend, the birthday girl, at 7 at Zoot. We open a 1983 Reserve Beringer Cab and a Volnay (1995). The latter is gone, we think. The former good but losing fruit. Good to drink it. We get the tasting menu and have a tiny portion of seared foie gras, followed by a spinach salad then a rabbit confit and lamb and a cheese course. I didn't get all the sauces and garnishes that were used but everything was great except the rabbit was a little salty. This was overcome by the Rosé we ordered to replace the Volnay, a wine they were recommending with the salad. All in all, it was good and Stewart (the chef) and the servers were quietly and completely accommodating. The place seemed crowded for a Wednesday. Good for them.

We talked about travel and retirement. Our friend hopes to buy some kind of travel trailer that pops up but has hard sides or something and travel around and paint. We tell her we think we will take more road trips staying in motels and with friends. We talk about Paris. I say we should all go back together. She says she can't 'afford to travel with us.'

We go outside when we are done and give her the gift. She gets the All-Clad casserole dish and stainless stand.

"I guess you want me to fill it up with something!" she says.

We laugh. She cooked for my birthday on Saturday night. She likes to cook and frequently makes meals for us. Well, once in a while. I would have gotten her a gift relative to her other hobby (painting) but I would have been clueless what to get. Gifts are hard, like I said.

We go home and read a little while. Sleep wins the day. I had too much to eat and drink, I think. I didn't accomplish anything much today nor turn over any new leaves. The worm, she hasn't turned. I did get an email from my friend in South Africa telling me things that she has lined up for us to do. That made me want to get my packing list made and take care of a few more things for the trip. Tomorrow I'll be efficient and get some important things done. Yeah, tomorrow.