AUSTIN, Texas, May 23, 2005 — A lot of us spend most of our lives following through on decisions we already made: working at our jobs, taking care of our households and families, doing the volunteer work that we have carved out, meeting appointments made or going to classes signed up for. We all have 'free' time, though. The lulls when we could be reading, studying, watching movies, doing some extra cooking, cleaning out a closet, writing to a friend.

Since I retired more of my time is open to choice. Oh, sure, I knew when I got up that I had a lunch time meeting for a subcommittee I'm on

at my club. And I knew I would need to take Dad to PT and pick up some things for him at the grocery store. The evening had opened up with the cancellation of a meeting for a capital campaign that Forrest and I are participating in. First thing when I got up, I checked on some facts for the meeting at noon. Later I'll need to make some copies. I also worked on my journal for yesterday. Throwing down words, choosing to do that rather than get to the gym for a few extra sets of weightlifting. But finally I choose the gym. Fifty-two minutes on the recumbent bike, reading parts of yesterday's New York Times. A few sets of lower back and ab and arm and shoulder work. I never do enough of this stuff but I do enough that I feel differently than I did two years ago or so I think.

When I get home from the gym, I should jump right into the shower, get dressed, get ready for my meeting. But I don't. I sit at the computer thinking about how we choose to spend our time! That's a laugh. I also see an e-mail that says we have committed to having a friend stop by to see us tonight since she is moving soon.

I do finally shower and get to my meeting. They try to tag me to write something up but I'm having no part of it. I wrote up notes and they didn't really deal with them so they want it written up differently. I pawn it off on someone else. It doesn't really matter that much to me anyway and someone else has decided to be the mover and shaker so they can do the work. Fine with me. I don't want to spend any more time on it, honestly.

When I leave the meeting (where I also had lunch), I decide to call Dad and go buy groceries for him on the way to take him to PT. He gives me his list: OJ, milk, some kind of meat, apple juice, strawberries, coffee. He's a simple man. I pick up a couple of things for myself, too. Strawberries (buy one, get one free); green onions; sunscreen.

I go to Dad's, unload groceries, file a few things and take him to PT. While he is doing his exercises, I try to read but I almost fall asleep. When I get him home, I unload his dishwasher, tidy up and head out before the traffic gets too bad. I get home and decide to spend my time, how?

I write a long e-mail to my niece. We need each other. In an odd way, we deal with the same issues. I discuss scheduling issues with FFP. We throw together some food (salad, leftover fish stew for him, sausages for me). I open some leftover white wine. We watch one of those TV programs where they breathlessly promise you stories that you weren't ever interested in without actually showing you the stories in a coherent way. Then we go to the bedroom and watch quiz shows and garbage off the DVR and I read some papers and work a crossword.

Our friend shows up. You decide to give time to your friends. I offer drinks but she wants water and green tea. We show her the Frank Sinatra/Eliv DVD that I got FFP for an anniversary present. Then she goes into our Rhapsody account with FFP looking for music. She's off on a road trip, she's a singer and piano player, we are gifting her by buying some tunes and burning them on a CD. I watch and listen to them surf the choices for a while and then go down and watch a Netflix movie, My Life without Me which I think, vaguely, I've seen before or at least part of it. I think it's a good movie all about a young woman with two daughters and a down and out sort of family situation where everyone is vaguely funny and attractive but down and out, working nothing jobs, trying to take care of the kids. The woman gets a fatal diagnosis of cancer with no hope of remission and death in a few months. A low budget Terms of Endearment without Shirley Maclaine and Jack Nicholson. Anyway. I watch part of it and the CD makers come down and want me to log on and burn the actual CD. I use the new version of Rhapsody which, for a minute, defies me. Then it burns the CD but I think it should print the songs and info out but I can't figure it out. Our friend scribbles them down and then I keep fooling with it, finally e-mailing myself a list to print. Silly computer programs.

FFP and I watch the vaguely unsatisfying (Ok, maybe not vaguely) CSI: Miami finale. I'm glad it's over, frankly. I finish watching my movie. Today I volunteered to screen entries into Austin Film Festival. I won't be able to say anything at all about it. Well, I suppose I can say I'm a volunteer and maybe that I spent time on it. But I won't be able to write anything at all about the films here. But I will be glad, whether they are good, bad or indifferent, that I'm being pulled away from network crime shows.

Finally I sleep. It's late.