AUSTIN, Texas, May 11, 2005 — Without a first job, how can I have a second one? Indeed. But that's what Dad duty feels like this day.

I should get up and go work out before my duties begin. But I don't. I get up and drink coffee and write in my journal and ponder a couple of reader comments. (In response to my wondering what my artistic purpose might be.) Annie says "maybe your purpose is to be a witness to something important that hasn't yet occurred." In other words I'm meant to be here, recording, when something (perhaps something momentous?) occurs.

An old buddy of Forrest's weighs in with a suggestion:

"I was thinking kind of an AUSTIN GEOGRAPHIC journal, with maps and more photos to support the stories you develop. Just go deeper into your subject matter. The maps, if highly illustrative and done in great detail, could prove to be a very satisfying challenge for you." That's interesting in light of an idea I had of doing something very similar. In fact, I registered a domain (austinneighbor.com) and had this idea of using digital photos, GPS, rollover maps to create a nifty view of Austin. To say that it was too ambitious is an understatement. However, I have from time to time shown maps and photos together that I created as here and there. Ah, yes. If only I ever followed through on any one of my ideas!

So I wasted some time thinking about these comments and searching out those old entries. And, of course, wondering what my artistic purpose might be.

I had gotten a shower and made the bed as soon as I got up. Soon it was time to dry my hair and hustle off to Dad's. I got the garbage can and paper in and got him ready and we headed to the doctor. The doctor talked about lowering his cholesterol to very low levels. I'm glad I don't know my cholesterol level. I think people my age (late fifties) are often chasing the health of their elderly parents while ignoring their own. I think my mother, at my age, was doing so anyway. Whatever, I'm a medical nihlist. I've never had an illness that was successfully diganosed and treated when I had no symptoms. Nor did my mother. Rather, real symptoms were a complete mystery to doctors until a crisis arose. And I mean a real crisis. This is not the best empirical basis for consuming a bunch of tests and pre-emptory strikes at health. I know that pap smears, mammograms, colonoscopies, blood tests, physcial exams etc. save lives. Oh, and I've had a bunch of that type of testing over the years. I also know that my mother developed a convulsive condition in her fifties with a mysterious origin. Maybe a cranial aneurysm that would swell but not explode. I know that, just after her fifty-fifth birthday my sister had an aneursym that did explode. It would behoove me to keep my blood pressure down. Because sometimes these things are genetic malfunctions. One of my sister's doctors suggested that her daughter and I have some test to look for aneurysms. I considered at least talking to a doctor about it although my research showed that many times they won't operate pre-emptively and, when they do, the results aren't great. But I couldn't get a consult. Then I thought what a great prescription for being uninsurable it would be to know you had a weak place in the old noggin that the docs felt they should just treat with 'watchful waiting.' Then no retirement, ever. Or retiring and hoping that you never had some other accident or illness that ran up big expenses. I have read a lot of numbers about these ruptures when they occur. One clean set of rough numbers I saw was: 1/4 die before the hospital, 1/4 die in the hospital, 1/4 have a functional survival, 1/4 are disabled in survival. The first three are good outcomes for a life, to me. I'm not sure how my sister counts in these numbers. She's disabled but she can walk and talk and do a lot of things for herself.

Anyway, Dad is now on Zocor and aspirin and we will see if he has more TIAs or gets lower cholesterol counts. He gets some blood drawn for a thyroid function test which was slightly questionable in the hospital. Mostly importantly the doctor writes a referral for physical therapy. My dad is, after all, eighty-eight years old. We want him to be healthy, sure.

Next we go across the street and see the barber. I'd like a haircut myself but he really wants one. We wait for a guy to finish a beard trim and then another guy to get a haircut. The barber, Jane, talks back to the TV. First to a cooking show where cans of soup seem to be a dominate ingredient. Then to a session of the Texas House of Representatives where various spurious business is being conducted: introduction of the 'doctor of the day,' the reading of resolutions honoring this person and that. My dad ignores it all and reads the paper. I try to read an article on global warming. Finally, Dad gets his haircut, pays and gives a buck for a tip.

I decide to head up Burnet to 183 going home. So we can spy where the place is that Dad will have PT. Also just to cover some different roadways. Dad likes this, I think, because he has cabin fever a little. Anyway, a fire truck speeds by us to an accident and we pass the smashed cars in a parking lot. At 183 the light is on blink and it's chaos. We get through that and head on 183 to our exit. At Braker there is a huge smash up. The emergency vehicles aren't even there yet. I ease around that. I wonder if what I'm 'meant to witness' is a bunch of car accidents.

At his house, I make him some lunch, water his plants, tidy things up (although he's doing more and more for himself). I shred some more unnecessary stuff and finally wait around long enough to get his mail in. Although he says that if I didn't he was going to try walking down there to get it.

When I get home, FFP is gone. He's dealing with something with his mother. Something about taking her portable phone outside when she's in the yard in case she falls or something. He is trying to show her how to use it. He goes back and forth a couple of times.

Then we decide to go to the new Whole Foods for an outing. It's only four or so. We get a parking spot in front. We wander around, asking questions, picking up some stuff for dinner, tasting cheeses, checking out what you can just eat there. We end up with over fifty dollars worth of stuff.

Home again, I write out checks for a few bills since I'm up there at the bookkeeping desk writing checks for graduation and birthday presents anyway.

FFP puts together a dinner of rapini with roasted garlic, tilapia, beets from the stuff we bought at Whole Foods.

We have decided to go to a neighborhood meeting on 'curb islands' or 'curb extensions.' We know that nothing positive will come of it but we are just interested. We are amazed with we get to Gullet school...there are several hundred people there. We settle into two seats next to our buddy who lives on the street and goes to two restaurants we frequent. He gives us a discount card. Whoa...something good did come out of it.

We listen for an hour. First the expensive project is explained. All the disagreements and wranglings (with far smaller audiences although we always knew about the meetings). Then they give the net results in speed reduction. Less than 1/2 mph. I have to laugh. They take questions from the audience. People are really upset. We leave with a large crowd still going at it. To what purpose? Are they going to add something to the mix at more expense? Tear out what they've put in? We are amused to hear that they plantings will be maintained by the neighborhood association after one year. Don't bet on it. Look at the roundabouts in Hyde Park.

We go home and watch the Elvis show. I'm glad they didn't show the last nine years of his life. I would have hated to see that actor have to fatten up. We try to watch some other stuff. I'm reading the papers. We stay up too late. Finally, sleep.