AUSTIN, Texas, Apr. 20, 2005 — Up, shower, this is going to be the second day without exercise, I'm afraid.

I get some coffee and get to the hospital before eight. Dad is sitting on the side of the bed, finishing a big breakfast. He says that he can't walk but he can stand up a little. He proceeds to walk a little, pushing the rolling table. We don't have the papers to be released so he gets back in bed and I go get more coffee. When I get bacj the doctor is there. He is less smug than yesterday after hearing of dad's pain. He asks about pain meds.

An aide comes in and gets the IV line out. They've called for a wheelchair. I help him get dressed. More than anything he wants to go home. The bed was old and the plastic cover on the matress was breaking down and it was really uncomfortable. I guess they have spent all their money on fancy glass fronts on the building. None of it in this room. Or public restrooms. The stuffing is coming out of one of the chairs.

I go get the car and meet him in the front. The problem with that procedure is the traffic on 38th. Why oh why can't there be a path from the parking garage to the place they bring the patient that doesn't involve 38th Street? Actually maybe there is and I missed it. They keep changing things until I'm SO confused. Sure, the valet is a good idea but only the first day is it allowed, I think. Oh, well. I make it there and he makes his escape.

At home, he's obviously glad to be there. He even tries walking around pushing the wheelchair for support. He would like a better bath seat for the shower and a walker with wheels. Off I go to the medical supply store. It's discouraging to have to buy things like this but, on the other hand, if it can help him be independent. I hope he doesn't need this stuff forever. I can hope. A lot of what is going on with me now is adjusting to the possibility that his situation is changed permanently. I will be surprised if he gets back to the point that he was a month ago.

A friend visits. I go shopping for groceries. Dad takes a long nap. Another friend stops by with a dinner and he starts eating it. I leave him. I'm feeling sad for him, for myself, for all of us...humans growing old.

At home FFP has been enjoying learning how to do acrylics and collage. He has an idea how to enjoy retirement. He's also been organizing the handyman to fix up some things around the house.

I eat a bunch of salad with cheese, green onions and cold leftover salmon with lemon and capers. We watch some tube, I read a little. I write e-mails about Dad's condition and write to his GP about the procedure.

When I try to use my computer my computer is acting very strangely, the McAfee download having apparently screwed things up. FFP complains of the same thing. I look at their tech support and find nothing but on the forums I see scores of similar complaints. There is a recommendation for editing the registry and booting. I try that and it works. I hate that the software that is supposed to protect you screws up your machine. I take a couple of Advils and go to sleep.