The Visible Woman...December 4, 2003

Not that I worry about anything (see yesterday), but I read somewhere the other day (my memory worries me a little) that a preference for gray might indicate depression. Oh, yeah...I remember. I was sitting in FFP's chair trying to make a backup work and I picked up a book from his reference library on color. It isn't 'natural' to prefer gray it seems.

Today I picked up those pieces of paper with paint colors on them that are called, I think, 'paint chips' so that we could pick some paint for the remodel. Each and every one contained one or more shades of gray. FFP has agreed to paint the bedroom and the untiled part of the bath gray. With white baseboards. The floor tile is gray and the walls black and white. But we will use some bright accessories, I promise.

I am not depressed. Really. Nor am I really worried.

study in framing	shades of gray I like gray. It worries me a little. Not that I worry about anything (see yesterday), but I read somewhere the other day (my memory worries me a little) that a preference for gray might indicate depression. Oh, yeah...I remember. I was sitting in FFP's chair trying to make a backup work and I picked up a book from his reference library on color. It isn't 'natural' to prefer gray it seems. Today I picked up those pieces of paper with paint colors on them that are called, I think, 'paint chips' so that we could pick some paint for the remodel. Each and every one contained one or more shades of gray. FFP has agreed to paint the bedroom and the untiled part of the bath gray. With white baseboards. The floor tile is gray and the walls black and white. But we will use some bright accessories, I promise. I am not depressed. Really. Nor am I really worried.
JUST TYPING When you are depressed. Do you know it? Is there a hint? A lethargy, a stay-in-bed until doomsday...doom looms attitude? I think so. Sometimes I lean a little toward the apathy and depths. And bounce back up. Still. Gray is nice.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing lunch [Asti] Caesar salad a good-sized piece of salmon in a light cream sauce with mushrooms and greens *snacks* about half a smoothie (the coffee bar person was cleaning up and offered me the leftovers)---about noon chips and cheese and hot sauce and onions and a tiny bit of hot tofu dip---about 4:30 a taste of Beaujolais, two small cookies and a tiny chicken salad on a tiny roll (really, really tiny) around 6:30 at an event *dinner* nothing Today I - just seemed to be snacking - realized that holiday parties are really, really bad for dieting but I never seem to gain weight during the holidays.
		Time flies.... I had a deadline to finish old journal entries and head for the gym. I wanted to be at the gym at 10a.m. so that I could do this wonderful workout and then have plenty of time for a shower (maybe even steam) and get to my 1p.m. lunch, maybe getting an errand done first. But the contractor was here and walls needed to be moved and decisions made about how to do that and so that took precedence. Still, I got to the gym in time to do an OK workout. How wonderful it is to have all this leyway in things. Retirement is challenging but wonderful. Challenging because you constantly have to decide what to do and wonderful because you get to decide what to do. I had a long lunch with my friend and then did my errands with leisure. I got an extra key to the building made (and walked through the vintage shop Room Service next door), I got paint chips and I delivered some stuff to Project Transitions Thrift Store (Top Drawer) and browsed around there a minute. I did squeeze in catching up my journal and for some reason it is a great relief and that's so silly and, of course, immediately there is a new day to do. We went briefly to a holiday party at Whit Hanks. We spent a lot of time in Lamar traffic getting there. We got a good parking place but didn't stay long. They had some good music. For some reason, I was so, so tired.

		Reading. Finished Warmly Inscribed by Lawrence and Nancy Goldstone. Now I want to read their other books. Only I'm unsure whether I have them or not already. And I need to keep reading about WWII and start reading about the area of France that I will visit. Read a few newspapers.
		Well...I worked on my journal. But I was also depressed about the writing thing because I had lunch with a friend who is adapting La Traviata for the stage with gay characters and he has done all this research on scenes, characters. He read the novel the opera is based on, studied the novel, studied the settings. He has done all this preparation and is ready to write something he is excited about. He knows why it should be a play (not a musical or a film) and he's reading The Elements of Playwriting. In other words, he has a creative project and he is pursuing it. He isn't wasting his time doing an online journal or making silly presents or just fretting away. He's focused like my friend with the chocolate book.
		Exercise thirty minutes on bike legs, back and bicep exercises
	. .	My stomach is still a little weird. But I just ignore that.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "And I follow my dad's rule: accomplish one thing every day. Sometimes my one thing is just so, so insignificant." Two years ago "I hate computers. At the same time, I love them. "