The Visible Woman...March 25, 2004

So I whined about getting kissed off by one person in that e-mail on Tuesday. And I got three e-mails affirming farflung friendships that I value very much. I say I'm on the positive side of things.

That was sort of whiny and selfish to air that kiss-off note in this space on Tuesday. It gave me something to write about (not to mention think about), though, so I forgave myself...as I always do.

And I didn't get any hate mail because of it. (So far.) Nope...I got three notes from people who know me personally. They took the time to write e-mail, to advise and comfort. (Not that I really needed comfort although I will have to say that I enjoy having friends with lots of different talents and abilities and personalities and the loss of this one certainly reduces the breadth of that. Other than that, however, it's no big deal. Not a heartbreak.)

A friend I've had since elementary school (well, there might have been a lull in there for about thirty years but that's cool, too) said it wasn't about me, but about my friend. True. This friend lives in California now. I'd say our lives are pretty different in a lot of the ways that my estranged friend cited. My California friend has children, grandchildren, still works.) However, this friend and I have found a lot of common ground for a relationship. Like remodeling! She offers some cool new age points for living while emphasizing the 'never take it personally' aspect for this situation.

I'd say that's a pretty good way to live. The first one is all about being truthful and true to your word. That's something I really believe in. Not taking things personally is a good idea. People aren't thinking about you...they are thinking about themselves. This is a good life philosophy, I think.

My friend in The Netherlands writes: "Keep on writing, love reading it. Still gives me the feeling, we're in
touch." And he promised to send more e-mails. [Ed. note: I'm cool with how hard it is to send e-mail. Just don't write me a 'farewell' when I send you personal, one-on-one messages that are nice and kind and considerate. Well, in my opinion anyway. At least I didn't forward jokes and goofy jpegs and prayer chains.]

A friend in another part of Texas writes: "She judged you by how you choose to live your life and not by who you are. Personally, I know that we live different lives but mine is no better than yours and vice versa. How you live doesn't fully define you as a person. I feel that I have seen your soul (I won't tell you what condition you and I were in) and I feel we are connected for life. Although many months go by without contacting each other I know that my/our love for you is there. When we see you again it's as if we just saw you yesterday. I have always considered you a great friend and someone to cherish." [Ed. note: I thought I was careful to hide the sex of the person but perhaps there is an assumption that men don't vacuum although I'm betting the guy who wrote this does! Also, maybe I slipped. It was a she.]

Ahem...well I do know what condition we were in, mostly me. I love the guy and his lovely wife (who actually reads this) and their beautiful son. And, he gives a little less new age twist to his advice: "Perhaps you need to take heed of the philosophy I live by that permits me to rise above the jerks in this life. As Bette Midler once profoundly and succinctly stated it:'Fuck them if they can't take a joke.'"

See what wonders can come from the black cloud of a kiss-off by an interesting person? Three affirmations of nice, friendly relationships. And all that good advice. Not to mention two entries.