The Visible Woman...January 27, 2004

As I set up the accoutrements for the journal each day I ask myself, "Why every single day?"

I guess it's because otherwise when would I get around to it? And what would I say? Would I try to sum up the missing days? Or just write about one little thing?

Maybe I'm trying to develop some kind of discipline by at least typing every day. Maybe that's it.

I do look back at the old entries. I've been looking at a couple everyday with the new section. I'd intended to include other interesting links there but I rarely do it...it's mostly dull quotes from my last two years of journal that show that I worry about the same things without ever doing anything about them. Sometimes the old entries make me very sad. For various reasons. Sometimes I really enjoy them.

I know some journal writers who write everyday but who may choose to not recount the whole day but simply a small piece of it. Of course, I don't really cover all the ground either. There would never be time to do anything at all if I wrote it all done. I make phone calls, write e-mails, do little jobs for Forrest that I might not mention. I sort through things and move things around. (OK, so I actually do mention a lot of it!)

There is some catharsis, I guess. Certainly you would think writing down all my food would finally shame me into eating less food and more nutritious stuff.

	why every day? A journal, yes? But why every day? As I set up the accoutrements for the journal each day I ask myself, "Why every single day?" I guess it's because otherwise when would I get around to it? And what would I say? Would I try to sum up the missing days? Or just write about one little thing? Maybe I'm trying to develop some kind of discipline by at least typing every day. Maybe that's it. I do look back at the old entries. I've been looking at a couple everyday with the new section. I'd intended to include other interesting links there but I rarely do it...it's mostly dull quotes from my last two years of journal that show that I worry about the same things without ever doing anything about them. Sometimes the old entries make me very sad. For various reasons. Sometimes I really enjoy them. I know some journal writers who write everyday but who may choose to not recount the whole day but simply a small piece of it. Of course, I don't really cover all the ground either. There would never be time to do anything at all if I wrote it all done. I make phone calls, write e-mails, do little jobs for Forrest that I might not mention. I sort through things and move things around. (OK, so I actually do mention a lot of it!) There is some catharsis, I guess. Certainly you would think writing down all my food would finally shame me into eating less food and more nutritious stuff.
UFO?
JUST TYPING You must write every day. If not a journal then perhaps you will cheat. But if each day's date must be accounted for. You cannot. You may not have accomplished anything. But you can remember. Which is perhaps not a good thing either.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing *lunch* nothing *snacks* 3/4 ounce Laughing Cow cheese Clementine cheese, eight crackers, green onions, carrots another Clementine *dinner* two cheddar, smoked turkey and mayo and horseradish and greens sandwiches with pickles and carrots and green onions Today I - didn't eat much until after four and then I was so hungry I ate two sandwiches and later cheese and crackers and stuff.
		Time flies.... I got up at 7:30. But it was almost 12:30 all of a sudden and I didn't know what I'd done except: edit the journal; talk to my day three times about appointments, schedules, and where he was getting free meals; drink several cups of coffee; let the dog out multiple times; call about any prep necessary for Dad's biopsy (don't eat or drink after midnight); talk to FFP about towel bars, how the bathroom was looking, what to put on the slab by the creek; and start going through some junk to clear a rolling file thing so that I can put folders in it for a organization scheme I have in mind. I might have looked at a couple of things in the newspaper, too, I guess. Having had recent bad experiences working out with too much on my stomach, I decide to go have a workout and then eat. It's late to decide this, I know. I know it's probably not good to have just a small piece of cheese and a small piece of fruite before four or so in the afternoon. I know, I know. I sort of cut my workout short (although it was fine, really) and then I went to PakNMail and sent my niece Lisa her Christmas present. The first (online) purchase didn't work out and then I had to hunt down a different one. Long story. At home I had messed around with stuff I'd ordered which has arrived...a thing to go across the tub and hold your stuff in the bath and another thing that will stand on the floor and hold towels and robes. (The latter had to be put together with all that ensuing fun.) Actually this stuff looked OK. I'm tired of ordering stuff, deciding stuff. Told FFP I'd be willing to just abandon that part of the house and never live in it again to be out of this mode. Not really true, of course. But frustration at how long it takes and having to live with the decisions is getting old. Just chill, I know. One thing I know: when it is done then there will be something else to torture me. Finally I make a couple of sandwiches and then mess around on the WEB and stuff. Somehow it is evening and FFP goes to get a haircut and to the club again. I watch some TV and end up reading some of the newspaper stack that is threatening to take over the house.

		Reading. Newspapers. [By the way, to those of you who think newspaper reading is a waste of time, I ask you: how else would I know that a woman was run down and hit by no less than three hit and run drivers in New York and that another New York woman was electrocuted after stepping on one of those metal grates on the sidewalk or street that happened to be in contact with some loose wires.] The Conquerers by Michael Beschloss. Omaha Beach; A Flawed Victory
		nothing
		Exercise one hour on recumbent bike ab and lower back exercises (You know, they are really right about more strength in the abs and lower back helping to support you in everything you do. Whoever they is.)
	. .	I felt fine physically. I tried to get my mood to a better place but it seems to just be drifting down.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "I have decided that what makes the journal feel different is this: since I can tell all (no confidentiality restrictions from work) and do (why is that?) I feel embarrassed that I don't actually accomplish anything! Yep, Im a slug. But at least I'm embarrassed about it. " Two years ago "If I didn't work, I'd be busy as a bee going to events, writing about stuff, going to parties, taking five mile walks, seeing the scene."