The Visible Woman...October 20, 2003

Today I felt reclusive although my schedule didn't allow for much reclusive action.

I felt best today when I was in a fog of steam. After my water aerobics class, I skipped doing any more activities and instead sat in the steam room for a while, letting the thing fill up with steam until I almost couldn't see my feet. I meditated on life there alone, in the fog.

I just didn't feel sociable. I had made small talk in the pool. I would later visit my dad and discuss things with him and drop some things off at my old work (making small talk with the security guy). I dropped stuff off at the thrift store, too, and there I just put my bags near the entrance to the back sorting area and went away, speaking to no one.

I had a date with some friends to have some food and wine and discuss trips. I went happily, glad to see them, take some good wine, have some good social time and talk about a trip next year. I took one of my friends a small gift of something my mother had. My other friend gave me a gift of something she had stumbled on that made her think of me.

Still, good social encounter or not, my reclusive self felt like retreating. At home I worked alone in FFP's office on some backups. I liked that.

Some days you just feel like staying in your own cloud.

Monday, October 20, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.
food	reading	writing	time	exercise	health and mood

. the bedroom (and unmade bed) before we moved furniture out	reclusive gene Today I felt reclusive although my schedule didn't allow for much reclusive action. I felt best today when I was in a fog of steam. After my water aerobics class, I skipped doing any more activities and instead sat in the steam room for a while, letting the thing fill up with steam until I almost couldn't see my feet. I meditated on life there alone, in the fog. I just didn't feel sociable. I had made small talk in the pool. I would later visit my dad and discuss things with him and drop some things off at my old work (making small talk with the security guy). I dropped stuff off at the thrift store, too, and there I just put my bags near the entrance to the back sorting area and went away, speaking to no one. I had a date with some friends to have some food and wine and discuss trips. I went happily, glad to see them, take some good wine, have some good social time and talk about a trip next year. I took one of my friends a small gift of something my mother had. My other friend gave me a gift of something she had stumbled on that made her think of me. Still, good social encounter or not, my reclusive self felt like retreating. At home I worked alone in FFP's office on some backups. I liked that. Some days you just feel like staying in your own cloud.
JUST TYPING Alone. Can't exist that way. Don't really want to. But I like some fake fading. Some artificial obscuring clouds. A place to hide.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing *lunch* plate of nachos (with chopped chicken) 5.5 ounce spicy V8 banana *snacks* none *dinner* a couple of Bratwurst mustard mozzarella and a slice of tomato cheese and French bread three glasses red wine a dessert of pound cake with some sauces I was so disgusted with myself for eating nachos that I added vegie juice and a banana.
		Time flies.... I got to the club too late! I did five errands including going to take photos for FFP and getting shown around his client's offices. I did my social thing. I worked on FFP's backups. The day was gone!

		Reading. Read bits of the newspaper. I'm behind on newspapers and magazines, too.I.F. Stone's A Nonconformist History of our Times: The War Years 1939-1945.
		I outlined a short story that I won't write.
		Exercise one hour water aerobics
	.	I am still having some stomach and digestion upset. (Yeah, maybe nachos aren't the best cure!)