The Visible Woman...August 8, 2003

Every second of our lives is filled with decisions. Especially if we are retired.

You decide what to eat, what to buy, when to sleep, what clothes to wear, what activities to do. When you are working, you commit to a schedule. In some jobs, you make a lot of decisions; in others few. But you don't usually decide whether to show up and spend the time.

In retirement, I've become acutely aware of this decision thing. Because I seem to have so many more choices. I'm acutely aware of my control of each day and hour. All of them. Not really, of course, because there are unavoidable obligations. But far fewer. It feels like a grave responsibility sometimes. And, of course, it is unspeakably wonderful at other times.

Today I had agreed to help Dad take the food for his 'Senior Fun Day' at church. I was late because I initially forgot the chopped up raw vegies which was the single healthy thing I'd gotten so I went back for them. I got there before the official starting time but after the folks had started assembling and filling plates up (they seem to arrive early and one lady said her husband upset her by rushing her to be early). They were taking the sweets and stuff Dad had brought. It was fine, though, even though I was late. I hate being late and it made me anxious.

As I sat and watched the different games the folks were playing and chatted with them I thought it was a little boring. I'm glad I retired before I thought that this was an exciting outing. Of course, they might feel the same way about some of my choices about how to spend my time.

I felt sluggish and bloated after cleaning up the stuff, taking my leftovers home and putting things away and washing them. I had gotten up at six or so to make sandwiches and chop vegies. Usually by one or two I've made it to the gym. I really didn't eat all that much of the food.

So I went to the club and had a good workout and then came home and watered plants. I could have done a dozen other things but I went to the club. At home, when I should have been (a) cleaning my office; or (b) writing something significant instead I chose to e-mail with people and call my aunt in Maine on the phone and chat for a while.

You choose how to spend the time. And the more wide open the choices...the harder it is and the worse the guilt when you see the (minimal) results.

The evening was a social outing and a pleasant meal. It was a true pleasure with great food and conversation. But almost three hours ticked by.

Friday, August 8, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.
food	reading	writing	time	exercise	health and mood

. in my youth I made the decision to spend a lot of time trying to turn over the numbers on this backflash	decisions Every second of our lives is filled with decisions. Especially if we are retired. You decide what to eat, what to buy, when to sleep, what clothes to wear, what activities to do. When you are working, you commit to a schedule. In some jobs, you make a lot of decisions; in others few. But you don't usually decide whether to show up and spend the time. In retirement, I've become acutely aware of this decision thing. Because I seem to have so many more choices. I'm acutely aware of my control of each day and hour. All of them. Not really, of course, because there are unavoidable obligations. But far fewer. It feels like a grave responsibility sometimes. And, of course, it is unspeakably wonderful at other times. Today I had agreed to help Dad take the food for his 'Senior Fun Day' at church. I was late because I initially forgot the chopped up raw vegies which was the single healthy thing I'd gotten so I went back for them. I got there before the official starting time but after the folks had started assembling and filling plates up (they seem to arrive early and one lady said her husband upset her by rushing her to be early). They were taking the sweets and stuff Dad had brought. It was fine, though, even though I was late. I hate being late and it made me anxious. As I sat and watched the different games the folks were playing and chatted with them I thought it was a little boring. I'm glad I retired before I thought that this was an exciting outing. Of course, they might feel the same way about some of my choices about how to spend my time. I felt sluggish and bloated after cleaning up the stuff, taking my leftovers home and putting things away and washing them. I had gotten up at six or so to make sandwiches and chop vegies. Usually by one or two I've made it to the gym. I really didn't eat all that much of the food. So I went to the club and had a good workout and then came home and watered plants. I could have done a dozen other things but I went to the club. At home, when I should have been (a) cleaning my office; or (b) writing something significant instead I chose to e-mail with people and call my aunt in Maine on the phone and chat for a while. You choose how to spend the time. And the more wide open the choices...the harder it is and the worse the guilt when you see the (minimal) results. The evening was a social outing and a pleasant meal. It was a true pleasure with great food and conversation. But almost three hours ticked by.
JUST TYPING Tick tock. Time on the clock. Where are you? Not doing your due? Shame on you!
		Food Diary. a half of a pimento cheese sandwich and a half of a turkey/cheese and mayo sandwich; some spinach dip and vegies, a few tortilla chips. A Manhattan. (Sweet Vermouth, whskey, bitters with a cherry.) Cantalope soup with duck ham. Filet (Niman Ranch Beef) with a bean garnish and lobster flavored potato things. Avocado sorbet with a syrup sauce. Some Rhone wine. (Two glasses.) A tiny shortbread cookie.
		Time flies.... I got up early (6 or so) to chop raw vegies and fix sandwiches. I could get up at this time every day and get extra time by sleeping less. Couldn't I? Sitting and talking to people, e-mailing people, calling people on the phone. All necessary social interaction? Usually in this section, I talk about how I spent my day but today I ramble about that in the (allegedly) coherent section. So it goes.

		Reading. Moliie & Other War Pieces by A.J. Leibling. Thought I'd finish this one today but I fell asleep with it in bed, a few pages shy of finished.
		Just do it.
		Exercise twenty minutes on recumbent bike upper body (chest, shoulders, back) exercises thirty minutes on recombent bike
		118/71 79 I feel a little depressed today. Nothing specific...just a general, less than entirely hopeful, feeling. Eating a truly great meal with good libations and friends talking of French adventures nearly put that aside. Except that the place (Jean Luc's Bistro) was half empty on a Friday night and that was such an ominous economic sign that it almost caused me not to enjoy the meal. Almost. Really good food is such solace.