The Visible Woman...July 8, 2003

Today it seemed like life has a habit of working out for me and I should be glad of it.

Yesterday was a nice day, really. But it didn't seem right. I was enjoying what I was doing but it felt wrong. I felt like I was shirking some duty. I felt bad for people not enjoying things so much that I care about.

Well, today, what's differnt? Not much. I did what I pleased. The maid was here which always makes me a little antsy. Didn't bother me. I didn't get that much done on my 'to do' list. Didn't bother me.

Life just seemed under control.

Nothing really changed. FFP said something to me about finances that cheered me. Someone looked at the building a second time. That's nice.

But maybe the molecules in my brain, the gray matter, the essential chemicals, lined up in a better way.

Who knows? I like feeling this way better, though. But I wouldn't try a pill to get there. I swear there is a commercial running these days that just touts a pill without even specifying what it might cure. Acid reflux, it turns out, is the answer. But I've seen the commercial a couple of times and thought it must be some new Prozac or something.

No, I wouldn't take a pill to feel this way but I like it when it happens. In fact, I only take Aloe Vera for acid reflux and, in fact, since I retired (lost weight/started exercising/all of the above) my acid reflux is almost non-existant.

So today just felt like things would/have/always will work out. Yeah, there will be sadness, trouble and setbacks. But they will just be things to write about. If, of course, I wrote anything but this journal.

I even read some old journal entries and realized that, in places, they resembled real writing. A little anyway.

We had an evening out and heard about other people's lives and how they lived through what life brought. We entertained our young friends. It was enjoyable. I didn't OD on the rich food or wine. It was just about right.

Tuesday, July 8, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.
food	reading	writing	time	exercise	health and mood

A shot of Forrest with our young dinner guests. (The guy in the middle...used to be a ballet dancer. The gal next to him is a ballet dancer.) "They [must have] expected me to be wonderful to offer me a job like this and I wasn't wonderful, and therefore I realized a new principle, which was that I'm not responsible for what other people think I am able to do; I don't have to be good because they think I'm going to be good." Richard Feynman, transcript of a BBC interview appearing in The Pleasure of Finding Things Out	it will all be fine Today it seemed like life has a habit of working out for me and I should be glad of it. Yesterday was a nice day, really. But it didn't seem right. I was enjoying what I was doing but it felt wrong. I felt like I was shirking some duty. I felt bad for people not enjoying things so much that I care about. Well, today, what's differnt? Not much. I did what I pleased. The maid was here which always makes me a little antsy. Didn't bother me. I didn't get that much done on my 'to do' list. Didn't bother me. Life just seemed under control. Nothing really changed. FFP said something to me about finances that cheered me. Someone looked at the building a second time. That's nice. But maybe the molecules in my brain, the gray matter, the essential chemicals, lined up in a better way. Who knows? I like feeling this way better, though. But I wouldn't try a pill to get there. I swear there is a commercial running these days that just touts a pill without even specifying what it might cure. Acid reflux, it turns out, is the answer. But I've seen the commercial a couple of times and thought it must be some new Prozac or something. No, I wouldn't take a pill to feel this way but I like it when it happens. In fact, I only take Aloe Vera for acid reflux and, in fact, since I retired (lost weight/started exercising/all of the above) my acid reflux is almost non-existant. So today just felt like things would/have/always will work out. Yeah, there will be sadness, trouble and setbacks. But they will just be things to write about. If, of course, I wrote anything but this journal. I even read some old journal entries and realized that, in places, they resembled real writing. A little anyway. We had an evening out and heard about other people's lives and how they lived through what life brought. We entertained our young friends. It was enjoyable. I didn't OD on the rich food or wine. It was just about right.
JUST TYPING Why does one day Feel nice Another Rain on your mental parade? Why does one day Make a difference At these low rates of interest?
		Food Diary. one grapefruit, about six small carrot pieces, three pieces of turkey bacon (35 calories each on this brand) A few bites of tuna salad by the chef...an amuse bouche. One small veal chop and sauce. Carpaccio. Duck breast with vegies. More than a little champagne and wine. (About four glasses: one champagne, one Chardonnay (Newton Unfiltered), one Duckhorn Merlot (1997, I believe) and one of 1993 Silver Oak Cab.)
		Time flies.... I had my workout, I went to the bank, I printed out packing lists, I did some e-mail correspondence, I made a birthday card. And the day got taken up. But it was OK. It didn't feel wasted. I thought I'd start packing but I didn't. I thought later I should have gotten a haircut but I didn't. We entertained and, when we got home, bed beckoned.

		Reading. Read a few paragraphs of several books and finally started The Pleasure of Finding Things Out, The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman.
		I gave two of my writing projects some thought. One is sort of fiction and one is self-help. The fiction one has an element of memoir.
		Exercise Bike to nowhere, over an hour. Some ab and lower back work. I'm starting not to hate this so much. Core body strength is supposed to be important.
	.	My mood improved but I don't know why.