Tuesday,
October 22, 2002
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the new Reichstag...a cover for sale on ebay
"The secret of being a bore
is to tell everything." |
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retirement report I've reported earlier in the month on retirement but it seems like it's time to do that again. One thing you don't think about when you have freedom from the schedule of work is that there will still be schedules. If you want to go on a trip or go to a class, attend an event, there are time constraints. Even if you just do something casual with friends, you have to set a time. You still have a calendar and a schedule. On the other hand, there is flexibility. It is pouring down rain this morning. It is messy to drive to the club with all those people going to work, it seems uncomfortable to get out in the rain. So you just delay going until it stops raining. That flexibility you do have. There isn't endless flexibility (my gym is open 5:30AM-9PM or something). But there is some give. I'm still drinking less, I think, although this is not as obvious as at first. (I'm not sure if this is because I'm becoming accustomed to drinking less or if I've gradually begun drinking more.) I had a vodka/tonic tonight and it seemed like a big deal. (Although perhaps that's because the tonic bottle decided to spew all over, I don't know.) I also seem to be eating a little less. Gradually I may even be losing a little weight. (Ounces perhaps!) I am exercising almost every day. Just walking or yard work some days. But something. I'm going a little longer and harder on the aerobic stuff in the gym although I'm still the wimpiest person there. It was nice traveling and then coming back and having the leisure to unpack and decompress and get ready to travel again. Not having to rush back to work. On the other hand, with all the open times to do things like pack or take care of my mom's stuff or clean out the guest room (still full of stuff I brought home from the office), it is hard to know when to actually do it. Dad's edict of 'accomplishing one thing every day' (this almost always leads to other things), is a good dodge. I'm reading more but still not keeping up with the newspapers. I've finished a couple of books, though. I'm still not tempted to try to do anything to earn money. I've spent some time thinking about how to fund some of my current favorite non-profits. I've spent time considering how to save money by spending less and finding bargains. And I've done a little consideration about how to make my money earn money. Not enough, though. I need to pay more attention to investments. Or not. Maybe they do better with less attention. I find myself more resistant to commitment than ever. I'm more jealous of my time. That's seems weird but it's true.
At the gym I did twenty-five minutes on the stationary bicycle and a few upper body machines. I find that I take whatever time I please, making the workout more relaxing. I continue to be amazed at the crowd at the gym at ten in the morning. Eight-five to ninety percent women. They look very fit.
I go over to Dad's briefly and make a call to get values on some CDs that he and Mom had. I hate making calls. It's stupid I know. I have a batch of stuff ready to send to the lawyer. I can't think of anything else to do. This is the first time that I haven't had something pending to work on vis-a-vis the affairs of Mom. Of course, I need to go through her clothes and some of her personal things still. I should try to find someone to buy her big loom. I should pack up some of the things that the kids want. Sometime. I stop by Mervyn's and buy myself a new cheap belt and FFP some undershirts. My, we are an exciting couple!
I go to the doctor's office with Forrest but I don't go in and he talks to the doctor himself and arranges for some day surgery in about a month. A series of old women talk loudly and long in the waiting room. It's ice cold, too. Still, I am dozing off for some reason. We have taken Chalow to the doctor, too. She was listless, drinking lots of water and threw up some. We go to Central Market, vote, buy some food and stop back by the vet's office. We have to wait so FFP takes the food home and comes back for us. She seems lively. He's run some tests on her liver and such. Maybe something else is wrong he says. Kidneys? Maybe he'll run a blood test. I feel depressed. Doctor's offices, even the vet, make me that way. I think it is all those days my mom was in the hospital.
Reading and writing. I don't do enough of either. So I decide to spend the evening doing both. We have baked potatoes for dinner (with nonfat yogurt, green onions, sauteed mushrooms in butter and brocolli). This is something we haven't had in a while. Because we went through the low-carb routine, I guess. I love this meal. I like the tang of White Mountain yogurt with the benevolent bacteria beasties in it. I like the nonfat because it is runny and blends with the potato. To enhance the fat content I sautee the mushrooms in real butter. I end up watching some of the baseball game (it's the World Series, right?) and a couple of old episodes of M*A*S*H. I read a bunch of newspapers and do a couple of crosswords. I find myself conflicted about doing crosswords more than ever. Is it a waste of time?
In general, I'm leading my dream life. I get anxious and depressed. But not about money. No. About illness and growing old. About not doing the reading, writing, creating and thinking that I would like to do. And I'm also depressed at my inability to make life pleasant for those I love. We have a great life. We do.
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177
JUST
TYPING