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Monday October 2, 2000
"I leave this
rule for others when I'm dead, motto of David Crockett in the War of 1812
Why is there an important ebay collectible here and not a picture from my own life? I keep taking my digital camera places and then not taking a shot. I don't know why, |
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this is your career, this is your life What has it come to? Is this what I do? I ask myself these questions some days. Like today. Something I really dislike: people who come in and scribble on a board and expect the company to follow. It's OK to stop by, inspire, give encouragement, exchange info. It's OK to have a vision. But don't expect the people doing the heavy lifting to just blindly follow your whims. I catch myself thinking my three minute encounters are really lining people up in a common direction. Then I realize that it is much, much harder work than that. And I actually have to do some of that work. Somehow. From this tall stool. The shocking life of an old woman in a staff position. Really. It is a fund raising day in Austin. Called 'Dining for Life.' You eat out. The participating restaurants get a better than average Monday business. They donate some of the take to AIDS organization. Nancy Mac and I have lunch at Brick Oven. SuRu and I have dinner at 34th Street Deli. (The stuffed poblano is yummy. The staff needs some training in wine service and such. But the wines are all $22/bottle or $5.95/glass and the Chianti we have is very nice.) I am in this incredibly good mood. FFP has convinced me that my life is perfect and I should enjoy it. He doesn't seem to have convinved himself, however. I wear a whimsical 'travel' shirt with souvenirs of the great ocean liners on it and it cheers me greatly. In spite of the good mood, sleep doesn't come easily. One goes over and over in one's head how to handle certain work situations. When patterns repeat themselves and you know what is coming, it is upsetting. But why? People tend to do the same things over and over. Your co-workers, the competition, the stock market...they aren't so unpredictable really. Big surprise. I can control my reactions. But why? Make sure everyone knows that you aren't on board with something. Just so they know. The difference is that I am not so invested anymore. When I was in a line job and really had to get things done and deal with the inevitable politics, surprises (you SHOULD have known!) and ups and downs it was much, much harder to stay emotionally even. I am intensely happy and I have everything I ever wanted. Nonetheless, there is wandering about the house in the middle of the night, watching bad and melancholy movies on TV and reading old newspapers.
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