The Visible Woman...February 5, 2004

I'm barely in charge of myself...but, nevertheless, I'm managing other people's lives.

I can barely keep myself and my surroundings clean and neat and exercise and try to manage the things I want to do socially and such. Yet, I'm trying to tell subcontractors how to do stuff (yeah, right) and what the inspector said. I'm trying to supervise Dad's medical stuff.

I don't know enough to 'handle' the issues of plumbing, tile work and smoke detectors any more than I understand hypertension drugs or medical power of attorney. Dad criticizes my parking as I squeeze into seemingly the last sub-compact parking place at the doctor's office/hospital complex near his house. I have managed to navigate getting him a handicapped placard today but not until after that errand visit to the doc.

Dad calls me his 'manager' today at the doctor's office. I've been elevated from 'secretary.'

I'm not that great at wiring up components for the media center but I figure it out. Sort of.

I'm not a tax expert, but...I'm organizing our tax stuff.

And so it goes. Managing lives these days means sparring with experts who know a lot more than the average person about one little thing and don't put it in context all that well. And yet you are surely unqualified to manage yourself. Without electrocution, that is.

	the manager I'm barely in charge of myself...but, nevertheless, I'm managing other people's lives. I can barely keep myself and my surroundings clean and neat and exercise and try to manage the things I want to do socially and such. Yet, I'm trying to tell subcontractors how to do stuff (yeah, right) and what the inspector said. I'm trying to supervise Dad's medical stuff. I don't know enough to 'handle' the issues of plumbing, tile work and smoke detectors any more than I understand hypertension drugs or medical power of attorney. Dad criticizes my parking as I squeeze into seemingly the last sub-compact parking place at the doctor's office/hospital complex near his house. I have managed to navigate getting him a handicapped placard today but not until after that errand visit to the doc. Dad calls me his 'manager' today at the doctor's office. I've been elevated from 'secretary.' I'm not that great at wiring up components for the media center but I figure it out. Sort of. I'm not a tax expert, but...I'm organizing our tax stuff. And so it goes. Managing lives these days means sparring with experts who know a lot more than the average person about one little thing and don't put it in context all that well. And yet you are surely unqualified to manage yourself. Without electrocution, that is.
I was instructed to bring my camera to Dad's house to photograph his prize amaryllis.
JUST TYPING Errands. Other people's errands. Hardly accomplishments. But impossible to ignore. The little picking up. Taking back. Showing up. Filling out. Signing up. Deciding. Measuring. Picking out. Making calls. Trying to fix. Calling the expert. Errands.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing lunch [Z'Tejas] a quarter of a pan of that good cornbread with some butter a ruby trout and nut and goat cheese salad (yes there was a little lettuce) *snacks* tortilla chips, cheese, green onions *dinner* part of two different single serving Indian frozen dinners (there was rice and some chicken and some of those cheese cubes in tomato) part of a bottle of Ravenswood 2001 Reserve Zin (less than ten bucks at the grocery store and delcious) Today I - was tempted to have enchiladas and a beer at Z'Tejas but I had water and fish salad.
		Time flies.... I got up and showered right away and a little after 7:30 I took Chalow to the groomer. (Pampered Pets in our neighborhood.) I futzed around for a bit at the computer. FFP's backup had a file with a virus detected in the cache and I did some scanning. We use Norton on his machine and Mcafee on mine and keep them spot up-to-date. I went to my dad's about nine and we photographed the amaryllis he is so proud of, looked at plants and golden finches and tried to fix the circuit in the kitchen that blew. (Later the electrician would walk in a push the button on the GFI plug and voila...which we both tried!) Then we went to his GP's office and waited and the GP examined him and looked at his records of his blood pressure and pronounced the drugs OK. The GP signed for Dad to get a handicapped placard and we decided to go straight over to the tax office and get one. Then we had lunch and I dropped him off. In between all that I'd called FFP to get an electrician, called the law office about a medical power of attorney Dad and I want to get. I stopped at Pier One on the way home and looked for accessories that might please FFP. He seems to feel that the remodel can be saved by accessories. And, who knows, maybe it can! I almost bought one or two things and decided to wait. I considered going to some other stores and decided against it and headed home. Somehow I missed a call from FFP that the electrician was coming to Dad's and that the dog was ready. I fished out the message and called Dad and told him. He said I'd gotten off with his doctor's appointment card from the GP and, sure enough, I had. I told him the date and time for his calendar. I swung down Hancock and got the dog. At home, all manner of chaos reigned. The electricians were putting in smoke detectors, fixtures. The plumbers were trying to pry open the trap door that the wood floor guys made but the trim guys hadn't put a lifter on (and threatening the expensive wood with their screwdrivers), the closet lady was making measurements and changes. The plumbers couldn't stand being watched and left we later found out. Finally the electricians had finished everything but restoring the service and they will do that on Saturday when we can do without electricity for four to six hours. It seems to me you could rewire the street in that time, but who am I to say. They probably have to take breaks. Then there was a moment of peace. I decided to try to install the DVD/VCR I bought since the VCR went out. I had to wrestle components and wires in the (terribly inaccessible) media center. Partial success was achieved. I couldn't wire it to record video from cable...but FFP usually does that in another room. I couldn't do it because the wires from the cable box wouldn't reach (well...the video one) and I'm not sure it would have worked anyway. I cleaned up the mess (packing, box, remotes, test video and DVD, instructions) and managed to get the old DVD player out of the cabinet. It works...the dead VCR will have to be extracted later. By this time, FFP was home and his reflexologist was there and he was getting a foot rub so I left Casablanca playing on a DVD and turned down the lights and got out some wine. We thought of going out but instead heated various frozen dinners and ate other stuff. We watched CSI and Without a Trace or, I should say, I did and FFP slept in his chair. I tried to read a few papers, too. I watched a little news and went back to the computer and finally got in bed. I didn't sleep, though, for hours it seemed. I wasn't too bothered by not sleeping somehow, though.

		Reading. Newspapers. The Conquerers by Michael Beschloss. Omaha Beach; A Flawed Victory by Adrian R. Lewis.
		nothing
		Exercise none
	. .	Mood was still low but physically I felt fine even though I didn't get any exercise.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	Reading old entries where I simply gave the day a theme and then followed myself through it noting whatever came to mind makes me wonder if this new format isn't a little too rigid. One year ago "Then I work on editing a small book for a friend while watching West Wing. I don't think that show deserves my full attention, do you? Heck, I don't even give George Bush my full attention! And he really is president." Two years ago " All in all, a bunch of futile rearrangement but I think the only way to control your possessions is to keep moving them around!"