The Visible Woman...January 18, 2004

I want things organized with clean surfaces. But I want to do lots of things, read lots of things, have lots of stimuli. These things seem to be at odds.

I need to neaten, organize and downsize. Many things get in my way.

I'm interested in too many things. I like to read about places I'm going and many other things. I like to use computers and gadgets. I'd collect a lot of things if I had room just to find out about them. I like to listen to music, watch videos, listen to audio tapes. This inspires buying lots of media.

And then, of course, things become obsolete, books read, things are broken or worn and not so interesting. But they tend to stay around in the way. Because it takes time to get them corralled.

Right now there is a box overflowing with books and maps and clippings of Paris on my floor. That's not so bad because I am using some of it. But there are piles and stuff from forgotten or temporarily shelved enthusiams, too. That's the problem. I don't put up my toys when I'm through playing. And whenever I start cleaning it makes sense to me to start with shelves, drawers and closets. So I have to face a bigger mess for a while.

It seems I've been trying to clean this office since I retired. Silly. Of course, the remodel forced a few things in here from other locations. But that's hardly an excuse. And I have stirred the stuff around. Many times. Piles of newspapers build up, boxes come and go as I mail stuff to people. But it's just never gotten organized completely for even a second.

Can I have a rich life full of experiences, objects, books and gadgets and still have a neat surrounding? I must think so, but I never seem to achieve it.

	a rich life versus a neat one I want things organized with clean surfaces. But I want to do lots of things, read lots of things, have lots of stimuli. These things seem to be at odds. I need to neaten, organize and downsize. Many things get in my way. I'm interested in too many things. I like to read about places I'm going and many other things. I like to use computers and gadgets. I'd collect a lot of things if I had room just to find out about them. I like to listen to music, watch videos, listen to audio tapes. This inspires buying lots of media. And then, of course, things become obsolete, books read, things are broken or worn and not so interesting. But they tend to stay around in the way. Because it takes time to get them corralled. Right now there is a box overflowing with books and maps and clippings of Paris on my floor. That's not so bad because I am using some of it. But there are piles and stuff from forgotten or temporarily shelved enthusiams, too. That's the problem. I don't put up my toys when I'm through playing. And whenever I start cleaning it makes sense to me to start with shelves, drawers and closets. So I have to face a bigger mess for a while. It seems I've been trying to clean this office since I retired. Silly. Of course, the remodel forced a few things in here from other locations. But that's hardly an excuse. And I have stirred the stuff around. Many times. Piles of newspapers build up, boxes come and go as I mail stuff to people. But it's just never gotten organized completely for even a second. Can I have a rich life full of experiences, objects, books and gadgets and still have a neat surrounding? I must think so, but I never seem to achieve it.
some of the mess...a box of books on France spilling out on the floor
JUST TYPING The trouble is: You must pick up each thing and decide to keep it or not. And, if not, decide what to do with it. Give it away? To whom? Curbside mall? Trash?
		Food Diary. *breakfast* two cups of coffee *lunch* two bowls of salad with spinach, greens, green onions, carrots, mozzarella cheese and cilantro pumpkin seed creamy dressing *snacks* chips and hot tofu dip Coke chips cheese onions and hot sauce a vodka tonic with lime *dinner* none Today I - started out trying to be more healthy and totally deteriorated. - realized that the food diary has made me very aware of the food I consume...sometimes I forget to write down the bread and butter or a soda or something...I don't always go back and do it but what I eat is at least on my mind.
		Time flies.... We really slept in today. It was nine o'clock before we were up. At 11:20 I'd done some online shopping, updated yesterday's journal, talked to SuRu on the phone about getting some art back from her office and generally putzed around. I was kicking off today's journal, thinkng that I'd better get my workout out of the way. Instead I fix a couple of bowls of salad and read some of The New York Times and cleaned up my mess and the mess FFP made with his steak and eggs lunch. Finally we get to the gym and don't get home until about 2:30PM. I've once again missed a call from my sister and my dad has called saying she reached him. At home I surf some more for our French trip. I'm getting the feel of the thing this trip I want to take, without actually committing to too much yet except the dates when we will be in certain places. I get dressed and snack a bit and we go to Zach. We were supposed to meet someone there but she has decided not to go. Andra Mitrovitch is good in spots, especially when doing Janis Joplin. She can rock. But the performance isn't polished. I enjoy it anyway...especially the Janis stuff...she really channels Janis and I've never seen her "Love, Janis." Tomorrow is Janis' birthday and she will do a tribute but we will be at 219 W watching our friends perform. Andra did "Turtle Blues" which is a particular favorite of mine...a sort of theme song of my single days.

		Reading. Newspapers. Best Essays of 2003 edited by Anne Fadiman. The Conquerers by Michael Beschloss. A short, decade-old book called Bluff Your Way in Paris by Jim Hankinson. I reread this every time I even think about going to Paris. Hilarious and yet useful.
		nothing
		Exercise fifty minutes on recumbent bike sixty situps on inclined board
	. .	Mood is good with an unexplained dread about the coming week. Physically quite all right. Actually, it's probably not unexplained, the dread. There will be more workmen here to be disappointed in. And our pergola is listing after some wind and rain and our handyman has to see if he can keep it from falling over. (Maybe the tin roof, my idea, wasn't such a good one. This never happened with the awning which I was tired of replacing. "The more things you have, the more maintenance," said himself.) Also, of course, I hear the troubles of my family in Denver, I have friends who are gravely ill. Oh, it's easy to find things to worry about if you try.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "It's good, I guess, to be remembered for a good party. I'm certainly not sorry I threw it but I doubt I'll ever throw one that big again.'" Two years ago "I'm enjoying all my tasks even though some seem, as usual, mightly futile or impossible tasks. It just depends on where your head is."