The Visible Woman...September 9, 2003

We have schedules, we need to get things done..but there are little factors we can't control. Then we have some 'free time' and we suddenly feel challenged to use it wisely. It's hard to feel in control and deliberate in one's life.

I opened my eyes, thinking it's probably 6:45. The clock said 6:44. "I need to get an early start," I thought. "I need to workout and do my upper body routine and I need to get a haircut and I have a lunch date at 11:30 and maybe I can get some stuff packed and organize some other things and deal with some newspapers that have piled up and we have something to do later tonight."

Of course, it took me forty-five minutes to get up, dress, brush my teeth, check my e-mail, let the dog out, whatever. And then when I was heading out for the club, thinking I had time to get in my biking and exercise and get to the barber shop to be first in line if I hurried, I noticed that my car was about out of gas.

So I had to go to the convenience store and get gas.

Then there was a curcuit training class occupying the club like the U.S. Army in Baghdad so I only rode the bike for an hour after some stretches and some ab work.

Still I was later than I meant to be and after my shower, when I called the barber, I was fourth in line. I sat in the shop reading until it was my turn and I beat my lunch date to the restaurant but still I felt a little out of control. On the way home I'm thinkng about how I need to pack, need to think about moving stuff out of the way of the remodel that might start after I get back. I should work on that. I notice the gate open at our building about then and call FFP to make sure he opened it. When I get home, he points out something I should read in one of the papers and...oh, I forgot the maid would be here. (Although I remembered that when I didn't make the bed.) The maid's presence always throws me off.

At that point, I decided to just go back to the club and do what I'd intended to do with the weights. But someone wrote me an e-mail and I was, for some reason, compelled to answer it.

But I did finally go to the club. It was quiet and I was able to do my workout without anyone resetting a machine or moving my weights or getting in my way at all.

I went home in kind of a fog. I needed to think about packing and about tidying things up. But I just didn't. I ate my dinner, sipped some wine, ate some cheese and crackers, watching The Simpsons while eating and Millionaire while cleaning up and trying to work the New York Times crossword. I showered up and we went off to 219 W on Fourth Street to further indulge. I indulge myself. I think about things. I promote things. But my plans...they are muddled. I need to focus. I need to concentrate my effort more.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.
food	reading	writing	time	exercise	health and mood

my parents and nieces in 1976	staying in control We have schedules, we need to get things done..but there are little factors we can't control. Then we have some 'free time' and we suddenly feel challenged to use it wisely. It's hard to feel in control and deliberate in one's life. I opened my eyes, thinking it's probably 6:45. The clock said 6:44. "I need to get an early start," I thought. "I need to workout and do my upper body routine and I need to get a haircut and I have a lunch date at 11:30 and maybe I can get some stuff packed and organize some other things and deal with some newspapers that have piled up and we have something to do later tonight." Of course, it took me forty-five minutes to get up, dress, brush my teeth, check my e-mail, let the dog out, whatever. And then when I was heading out for the club, thinking I had time to get in my biking and exercise and get to the barber shop to be first in line if I hurried, I noticed that my car was about out of gas. So I had to go to the convenience store and get gas. Then there was a curcuit training class occupying the club like the U.S. Army in Baghdad so I only rode the bike for an hour after some stretches and some ab work. Still I was later than I meant to be and after my shower, when I called the barber, I was fourth in line. I sat in the shop reading until it was my turn and I beat my lunch date to the restaurant but still I felt a little out of control. On the way home I'm thinkng about how I need to pack, need to think about moving stuff out of the way of the remodel that might start after I get back. I should work on that. I notice the gate open at our building about then and call FFP to make sure he opened it. When I get home, he points out something I should read in one of the papers and...oh, I forgot the maid would be here. (Although I remembered that when I didn't make the bed.) The maid's presence always throws me off. At that point, I decided to just go back to the club and do what I'd intended to do with the weights. But someone wrote me an e-mail and I was, for some reason, compelled to answer it. But I did finally go to the club. It was quiet and I was able to do my workout without anyone resetting a machine or moving my weights or getting in my way at all. I went home in kind of a fog. I needed to think about packing and about tidying things up. But I just didn't. I ate my dinner, sipped some wine, ate some cheese and crackers, watching The Simpsons while eating and Millionaire while cleaning up and trying to work the New York Times crossword. I showered up and we went off to 219 W on Fourth Street to further indulge. I indulge myself. I think about things. I promote things. But my plans...they are muddled. I need to focus. I need to concentrate my effort more.
JUST TYPING Having a plan is good. Knowing what to do when a plan doesn't come together is what is called brilliance.
		Food Diary. About 11:30pm [The Iron Chef] Something called sparkling bass that came with noodles and rice , chicken wings, a stuffed wonton, soup (hot and sour) and bok choy. *About 5:30pm* small portion salmon with some tartar sauce a bunch of salad with cheese, onion, tomatoes, low fat dressing, carrots, tomatoes a bunch (like six or eight) of these great and terrible Carr's wheat crackers and some five-year-old gouda several glasses of white wine *About 8pm* two glasses Pinot, cheese puffs, dumpliings, coffee with some amaretto and Kahlua, a shrimp thing, a Jack and water a terrible diet today...can you say...too much alcohol??
		Time flies.... Today seemed kind of like a 'free day' even though I had many things I had to and needed to do. The main reason for this was that Dad and I agreed yesterday that we had enough boxes for the van trip to Denver and that we would pack them into the van on Wednesday. So today was in between. I had a lunch date, needed a haircut, had agreed to meet some people tonight, needed a work out, needed to start packing my things for the trip. But still...I didn't have think about the continuing disposal of my mom's things today. In the evening we spent a lot of time in the warehouse district, checking out the scene. It was quite a bit of fun, actually.

		Reading. Still reading a collection of The New Yorker Profiles. Great piece on a couple of Russian emmigrant mathematicians trying to build a super computer in their Manhattan apartment. The Chudnovsky brothers are some interesting folks. Must track down what's happened to these guys since the article (1992).
		I keep saying...well, maybe the journal is the writing. Someone I once knew in online forums and then played tennis with on a real, not virutal, tennis court followed by snacks and coffee at Aranda's Taqueria (number 3), wrote today asking many questions about the journal. I'd worry about these questions if I had the bandwidth. In fact, they are questions I ask myself. Meanwhile, I guess I'll just keep typing. Yep, it occurs to me...why the journal, why so much honesty, why a picture a day? I'd stop if I could. Maybe I can. Maybe I'll stop after Thursday. For ten days or so anyway.
		Exercise Stretch and ab exercises. One hour on recumbent bike Tweny minutes on recumbent bike. Upper body (chest, back shoulders) exercises.
		My back hurt for a couple of minutes after I got up. Quit after exercise. Hurt again after a while. Exercise and alcohol ended it. I do think it's getting better.