The Visible Woman...May 5, 2003

Yep...today is a day of change. A new coherency. Yeah, right. These first sentences will be some kind of succinct recap of the day. A few sentences. Clever, yet terse. These italicized explanations will disappear tomorrow. So don't forget them.

How's this? An ordinary day of minimum accomplishment against a backdrop of a smoky Mexican sky. That sky and the inside of my head? About the same. My excitement at having come up with this new format has faded into the reality of it. I have trouble having a coherent thought. Thoroughly analyzing my time wasting, my exercise, my reading, my mood and putting all the food in one obvious place (sigh, what a diet!) instead of hiding it in paragraphs of drivel make me want to abandon the thing altogether. But we all know I won't, don't we? Is there a journal addiction? Writing, I mean, not reading.

These paragraphs, in the new format, will be known in inner circles as 'coherent thought.' Wherein, I'll develop, in a few paragraphs, my thoughts on current events, my life as it appers today, whatever. Those of you now snickering about the concept of coherent thought in The Visible Woman...shut up. It may happen tomorrow. Coherent, well-formed and punctuated thoughts may appear. And, if they do...here they'll be, just after the first bullet.

I read and hear about the chaos in Iraq. Infrastructure is shattered. Women fear for their rights. Although, in spite of dire initial reports, most museuem artifacts are intact. Why is this of more concern to us than people? Remember the Afghans blowing up those Buddhas? Remember how it got more press than the lifetime subjugation of women? Sure, it was a shame. Senseless. But all those lives...people unable to show their faces, be educated, freely choose sexual partners. If the victims were men, we'd call it slavery and abhor it more thoroughly.

So, yeah, religious leaders in Iraq trying to take over and make a lifetime of hell for women there. An attempt to elect a City Council and Mayor in some city with the 'help' of Americans making the rules is done by splitting everyone along ethnic lines. I reserve the right not to respect religions that would subjugate people or ethnic groups that would deny wholesale another group's rights. The problem with a society so structured is that either you let the majority rule with the result that you have subjugation of all others (and perhaps all women) or you arbitrarily give representation to groups based on these factions. It's a dilemma. Heck, for years two seats on Austin's 'at large' City Council were 'designated' for blacks and hispanics by a gentlemen's agreement. This still pretty much holds here. Certainly I can get behind a person of any ethnic background to represent me but I have trouble if there is a whiff of exclusively representing someone else. So these dilemmas exist here in the old U.S.A. but we are all so much more in agreement (yes, really) that it plays out reasonably most of the time.

More people were employed by the dictatorship and its adjuncts in Iraq than any other single body. These people have been ousted from gainful employment. (OK, maybe they were burying bodies in mass graves or whatever. Still, they are unemployed.) These people look to the conquerers for work but aren't finding it. Money to feed their families is what they want. There is no export industry save oil because sanctions squashed that. (Not that sanctions were not called for.)

It's clear that the problems of power-hungry rulers, religious radicals, economic necessity and ethnic hatred are not affected by Humvees, tanks and scores of billions of our money. Isn't it?

The world is an intractable place. Saddam deserved to be ousted. But, having done that, now what? I certainly don't have the answer.

I think we have to try to encourage secular government (good luck) and bring in people to open factories and produce things. But these factories would need water and power. So first someone has to figure out how to keep the lights on and the water flowing. I don't envy the U.S. officials who have set themselves this task. It's not impossible, I suppose. Think back to post World War II Europe.

One problem, though, is we had more in common with the man in the street there. Didn't we? Sure there are people in the U.S. from probably every background and religion represented in Iraq. But here they are assimilated into a secularly-governed country with freedom of religion and from religion. (Well, most of the time.) They are more Western by necessity. They make themselves understandable to us by living among us successfully and following our secular rules. (Even terrorists who pulled off 9/11 were living successfully in suburban neighborhoods in the U.S. with trappings that were alleged abhorent or, perhaps, just irrelevant.)

So, was I against the war? No, not really. I just thought it might be futile and the resolution might take decades. I don't think the war is over. I don't think the war has ever ended since VJ Day, really. Maybe there is just one big war that we just keep fighting. And it's always silly and futile but, if we stop, worse things may really happen. We will never know, though, because we do what we do. In North Korea, things are probably worse than in Iraq. But we have brought journalists into the nooks and crannies of Iraq. We are more aware of suffering reported, than unreported or underreported. There was a time when wars and the deprivation of populations occurred at a certain distance from us. That still occurs. The media is a spotlight that focuses our attention. The larger the American presence and potential blame, the larger this spotlight. But don't forget, people in other spots are suffering. And we can't help them either.

raging moods "Constant labor of one uniform kind destroys the intensity and flow of a man's animal spirits, which find recreation and delight in mere change of activity. " Karl Marx, Capital	new format! Yep...today is a day of change. A new coherency. Yeah, right. These first sentences will be some kind of succinct recap of the day. A few sentences. Clever, yet terse. These italicized explanations will disappear tomorrow. So don't forget them. How's this? An ordinary day of minimum accomplishment against a backdrop of a smoky Mexican sky. That sky and the inside of my head? About the same. My excitement at having come up with this new format has faded into the reality of it. I have trouble having a coherent thought. Thoroughly analyzing my time wasting, my exercise, my reading, my mood and putting all the food in one obvious place (sigh, what a diet!) instead of hiding it in paragraphs of drivel make me want to abandon the thing altogether. But we all know I won't, don't we? Is there a journal addiction? Writing, I mean, not reading. These paragraphs, in the new format, will be known in inner circles as 'coherent thought.' Wherein, I'll develop, in a few paragraphs, my thoughts on current events, my life as it appers today, whatever. Those of you now snickering about the concept of coherent thought in The Visible Woman...shut up. It may happen tomorrow. Coherent, well-formed and punctuated thoughts may appear. And, if they do...here they'll be, just after the first bullet. I read and hear about the chaos in Iraq. Infrastructure is shattered. Women fear for their rights. Although, in spite of dire initial reports, most museuem artifacts are intact. Why is this of more concern to us than people? Remember the Afghans blowing up those Buddhas? Remember how it got more press than the lifetime subjugation of women? Sure, it was a shame. Senseless. But all those lives...people unable to show their faces, be educated, freely choose sexual partners. If the victims were men, we'd call it slavery and abhor it more thoroughly. So, yeah, religious leaders in Iraq trying to take over and make a lifetime of hell for women there. An attempt to elect a City Council and Mayor in some city with the 'help' of Americans making the rules is done by splitting everyone along ethnic lines. I reserve the right not to respect religions that would subjugate people or ethnic groups that would deny wholesale another group's rights. The problem with a society so structured is that either you let the majority rule with the result that you have subjugation of all others (and perhaps all women) or you arbitrarily give representation to groups based on these factions. It's a dilemma. Heck, for years two seats on Austin's 'at large' City Council were 'designated' for blacks and hispanics by a gentlemen's agreement. This still pretty much holds here. Certainly I can get behind a person of any ethnic background to represent me but I have trouble if there is a whiff of exclusively representing someone else. So these dilemmas exist here in the old U.S.A. but we are all so much more in agreement (yes, really) that it plays out reasonably most of the time. More people were employed by the dictatorship and its adjuncts in Iraq than any other single body. These people have been ousted from gainful employment. (OK, maybe they were burying bodies in mass graves or whatever. Still, they are unemployed.) These people look to the conquerers for work but aren't finding it. Money to feed their families is what they want. There is no export industry save oil because sanctions squashed that. (Not that sanctions were not called for.) It's clear that the problems of power-hungry rulers, religious radicals, economic necessity and ethnic hatred are not affected by Humvees, tanks and scores of billions of our money. Isn't it? The world is an intractable place. Saddam deserved to be ousted. But, having done that, now what? I certainly don't have the answer. I think we have to try to encourage secular government (good luck) and bring in people to open factories and produce things. But these factories would need water and power. So first someone has to figure out how to keep the lights on and the water flowing. I don't envy the U.S. officials who have set themselves this task. It's not impossible, I suppose. Think back to post World War II Europe. One problem, though, is we had more in common with the man in the street there. Didn't we? Sure there are people in the U.S. from probably every background and religion represented in Iraq. But here they are assimilated into a secularly-governed country with freedom of religion and from religion. (Well, most of the time.) They are more Western by necessity. They make themselves understandable to us by living among us successfully and following our secular rules. (Even terrorists who pulled off 9/11 were living successfully in suburban neighborhoods in the U.S. with trappings that were alleged abhorent or, perhaps, just irrelevant.) So, was I against the war? No, not really. I just thought it might be futile and the resolution might take decades. I don't think the war is over. I don't think the war has ever ended since VJ Day, really. Maybe there is just one big war that we just keep fighting. And it's always silly and futile but, if we stop, worse things may really happen. We will never know, though, because we do what we do. In North Korea, things are probably worse than in Iraq. But we have brought journalists into the nooks and crannies of Iraq. We are more aware of suffering reported, than unreported or underreported. There was a time when wars and the deprivation of populations occurred at a certain distance from us. That still occurs. The media is a spotlight that focuses our attention. The larger the American presence and potential blame, the larger this spotlight. But don't forget, people in other spots are suffering. And we can't help them either.
		Food Diary. Here's where you stop reading if you only want coherent thought. No more reading about the 'cheese diet' I so often consume. Large salad with spinach, lettuces, broccoli, radish, cheese, olives, tofu, dolmas, bleu cheese dressing, bacon bits, sunflower seeds, onions. And water. (At Whole Foods.) Baked potato with plain nofat yogurt, two slices turkey bacon, broccoli, carrots, snow peas, green onions, cheese. And water. Three slices of provolone cheese and a slice of turkey. A one ounce piece of Laughing Cow cheese. More water. No alcohol. No soda. Too much cheese.
JUST TYPING The page Affects the writing The writing Affects the page A journal Is not a serious work By definition And yet I cling to it		Here I'll 'do my time sheet' and, if you are still reading, you can see how my most valuable resource is wasted. 7:20 Sun wakes me up in spite of west windows in bedroom. 7:40 Get up, coffee, papers. Noted that religious types are calling for women's rights in Iraq to be curtailed. Ah, there are many devils, aren't there? 8:20 Stomach problems and my computer feels ill, too. I boot it. 8:45 Answer e-mails.A couple have to do with things I followed up on that were years old. Don't ask. Continue reviewing old e-mail. I'm trying to clean up all these old messages, grab info out of them, etc. This 'clean up' activity doesn't show up in the neatness of my office. It's not obvious. Perhaps I should work on the obvious mess. 9:15 Correspondence on building we own, tax implications if we sell, print some stuff for FFP, review budget. 9:40 Still cleaning up old e-mail. 10:15 Work on Journal. Download pix. 10:45 Change black and white cartridge on one of the printers. Talk to SuRu on the phone. Work on journal. Decide to have lunch with SuRu. Change to jeans, run hands through hair, go pick her up. 11:35 Pick up SuRu. Decide to go to Whole Foods. Eat and go to Container Store and get some bubble wrap for miniature packing. 1PM Drop off SuRu and decide to go to Fry's and get a USB hub. End up wandering around. Buy some cheap plastic boxes to pack some of Mom's miniatures, look at other items including software, laptops, digital cameras, and small appliances. Somehow it is two o'clock when I leave. 2PM Leave Fry's and go to club. 2:23 Arrive at club, change, workout. 4:02 In car heading home after making way through scores of little swimmers around the pool. 4:12 Home. Check e-mail, write e-mail giving advise to SuRu on digital cameras. Begin making a thank-you note for party last night, looking for materials, printing pictures taken. Write a thank-you postcard for party the night before. 6:15 Put a potato in microwave. Finish thank-yous and work on journal while it cooks. 6:30 Eating and watching Who Wants to be A Millionaire. Guy misses a question asking what color U.S. passports are. 7PM Work on journal and animation for this page's illustration while watching Boston Public. 8PM Writing this page while watching part of Charade with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn on AMC. a little after 9PM Of course, I know how Charade comes out so I flip back and forth from CSI:Miami and Crossing Jordan and decide to watch Crossing Jordan. I don't know why. That show makes me crazy. Around 10PM, I decide that I feel slimy and itchy from sweating and take a shower. I end up in my chair until midnight. I read some papers, glance through some catalogs and magazines.

		And here's where I'll bore you with my reading. Still reading American Appetite by Leslie Brenner. It's not that great a book. She repeats herself and puts too much emphasis on her own experience. It's more of a memoir than an exacting history of food in America. But it's interesting to see what food, personalities and restaurants she mentions. Read random sections of the newspapers, too. Worked the crossword in the NY Times. Read an Austin Magazine and I'm reading bits of a book about great theorems of mathematics (Journey Through Genius) in the bathroom. Reread a few pages of a book self-published by the Marsh family in 1936 about their grand tour to Europe.
		Here's where I'll lament about the writing projects I think about but don't do. Does this journal count? No? No progress then. I've been thinking about two books or collections of columns. One on life's baggage and one on gift-giving. They are, in a sense, related. The idea is to elevate shopping for and owning stuff to a higher realm. Yeah, it's stupid.
		Here's where I'll bore myself (surely only myself at this point) with the minutes on the bike and my hatred of ab exercises. Twenty minutes on bike. Some abs. Lower Body Routine. Fifteen minutes on bike.
		The meter to the left will assess my mood and I'll put my health assessment here. Naturally, you, dear reader, will have given up long ago. Stomach upset in morning. Got a little soreness in knee and catch in right shoulder at gym. Or somewhere.

Monday, May 5, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.