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maid day
I get up and determine that I'll go to the club this morning and finish
and get back and shower before the maid comes. I get the workout (forty-five
minutes on the bike and five lower body machines). I get home and I shower
and dress. (Dad has stopped by, apparently. He's been to the bank and
he left some cash on the table.) A note says 'lunch money.' He's so funny.
This is his way of paying the bit extra we need to cover his bills and
taxes.
The maid still isn't around when I get done with my shower so I have
half a grapefruit, some leftover pork, some leftover carrots, a salad.
FFP has some salmon with a sauce he made a few days back and some of the
carrots. I clean up. I decide that I'll try to get some of the surfaces
cleared (including the floor in my office to 'set the stage' for cleaning
it up thoroughly. I had started by cleaning out some drawers. But I can
barely move in here. Sigh.
The maid comes. She describes her latest car wreck. She seems to have
a wreck every week. I worry. I worry that she won't be able to drive herself
to work. Otherwise, you can't worry about other people. It will make you
crazy.
In the process of trying to clear some surfaces, I have to stop and shred
paper and then deal with a bunch of unread newspapers. Unread newspaper
is a theme of my life, isn't it? I wonder why?
A little later, FFP asks me to go pick something up at the big ad agency
that styles itself 'Idea City.' I agree, knowing I can go have a look
around Book People. I keep think I'm going to get out of there without
buying anything, but I look at their New York travel stuff and find this
great map book of the city with a cross reference for all the stuff you
might be looking for and another book about New York. I should have put
them back. I find a bunch of things on the bargain table but only end
up buying three of them. I almost buy Dave Eggers book which you can't
get at the regular book store. I don't, though. I go put it back. They
seem to have a lot of them and it's gotten panned and I have lots of books.
I do buy a small Phaidon photography book of Walker Evans photos. I'm
about to read a biography of him and it will make a nice companion to
that. (Really, I'm starting to read that any day now.) So, yeah, I supported
a local independent bookstore. You could put it that way if you wanted
to be nice. And I didn't buy everything I considered, did I?
Finally, I feel like going home and getting back to the reading. Fortunately,
the maid is gone when I get back. I like it when she is gone, it's peaceful
again. And, I hope she gets home without having a wreck.
I give FFP the stuff I picked up and then I go downstairs and have an
apple and start working on the papers again only I have to stop and look
at the mail that FFP put in my chair. Nothing cosmic. He sorted out the
bills and important stuff. Still, I fumble with it for a few minutes.
I read a few of the papers and put them in the recycling sack, download
and edit some digital pictures, rearrange a bookshelf to accommodate some
books that were occupying some of the precious 'horizontal filing space'
(desk top). Before I know it, it's time to go out.
We met a young lady (27) the other
day at an opera 'dark night' event. She was a nice gal, striking, worked
for a local company that is successful and has its founders still working
there (one of whom is a friend of ours). She does European marketing for
them and is from Russia. FFP asked her to go out and have a bite with
us after that but she couldn't. They exchanged e-mails, though, and he
has invited her to dinner at Zoot. It's so much fun to go out with someone
new, especially when they have such an interesting story.
We met at Zoot and got our regular
table. We took a bottle of 1994 Pine Ridge Cabernet. I tasted it and it
seemed fine, OK. But then it developed into deep, velvety and delicious
within minutes.
We all ordered this veal three ways
dish which had this delicious veal cheek and a single rich succulent sweetbread
as well as veal in its normal form. FFP and I had a special celeriac soup
and Marina had a salad. She told us about Russia, about coming to Austin
for an exchange program, about a Russian expat group they had (which includes
some 'mail order' brides they try to help), about her work in marketing
(first for Loreal then a high tech company). We realized that the inauguration
festivities were going on because people in black tie and military dress
uniforms were dining. Then a good friend of ours emerged from the table
tucked in the front of what used to be the screen porch (that used to
be our table before we decided to sit front and center and 'supervise').
They went off to the big shindig, introducing us to their companions.
We'll be in New York with these folks and we discussed that and our supper
club which they are also a part of.
We finish up the wine and have coffee.
FFP and I share a cheese plate and Marina has a chocolate dessert.
FFP thinks going to hear Rebecca
in the Four Seasons Bar is a good idea but worries because of the inauguration.
He called and they said 'it was crazy but there's a lull now.' We drive
over there in our car and get a great table. There are lots of people
there from the event and more keep coming. It got loud. We introduced
Marina to people. We gave away our extra chairs. Then some people come
and we want them to sit with us so we talk the manager into getting three
chairs from some meeting room. Marina falls right in to talking to the
pillars of politics, the arts and society. She probably thought we were
popular folks, but we did have the table, that was the hook.
It's a work day tomorrow for some
folks so we head home. I fall into bed and try to finish my book but fall
asleep. Maybe it was that glass of champagne our companions at the end
bought us.
So I know you've all been waiting
for the retirement report and the resolution report. (Hey, I put it at
the end, so you can just skip it.)
Heck, let's
just start with the resolutions. I have clipped them below as written
on the last day of 2002. My comments are just
after the point.
- Lose five pounds. [This is a
easy goal, it would seem. The spam e-mail says '32 pounds in three weeks'
or '12.5 pounds in three days' but, no, my goal is to lose five more
pounds and stay there.]I'm at 173 and this
is the least I've weighed in the last few years when I hadn't had some
illness that made me lose my appetite. My appetite is great, I haven't
changed my diet much. (I am trying to eat more fruit and vegetables
but not to the exclusion of nachos or anything.) It's all about exercise
and the time to do it. I hope.
- Drink more water.
Exercise helps. I get thirsty and drink. I make it a point to take a
bottle of water with me when I watch TV or go to bed. I drink water
while at the club. Still, more water would be good.
- Eat more healthy food. Fruit!
Vegetables! Every day. See above. I'm trying
to eat salads (yeah, yeah, with cheese and fatty dressings, but still)
and I'm eating raw broccoli and stuff like that and fruit, too. We eat
at home more and I'm not sure this helps but I think it does. FFP is
trying to eat a more healthy diet and buys fish and cooks it. That helps.
- Write! Not just this journal.
All the short stories I've outlined. All the essays. Start on the novels
and non-fiction books. I'm definitely displacing,
cleaning out everything in sight. "Hm, let's make sure every pen
in this drawer actually writes...." I need to set aside time to
write something besides the journal. One of you dear readers e-mailed
this advice. Yeah, I know. Just as soon as I read all these newspapers....Notice
there is no resolution about the newspapers. Damn the newspapers! But
I love them.
- Find an appropriate volunteer
activity. I'm still a slug, a drain on society.
I'm going to do something for the good of mankind (besides donating
money and going to charity events and having charity events here...we
still do that). It needs to be the right thing, though. I don't want
to rush into something or to commit to the wrong thing. Pitiful excuse,
I know.
- Travel and, when I do, take the
time to prepare by reading books. I have spent
more time preparing for New York than I usually do, but I need to do
more reading rather than just buying
books!
- Pay more attention to investments
and our budget. Save money. We are doing pretty
well on our budget, I think. I pay attention to everything I spend although
it doesn't always stop me from spending. Buying 'stuff' seeems to have
been more curtailed by trying to clean out stuff ('no more pens until
we see if these write...') than worrying about living within my means.
I have reviewed investments but without getting obsessed with CNBC which,
I think, is an addiction like gambling.
- Continue my workouts and start
playing tennis and maybe racquetball. I have
almost gone up to the practice court to play tennis and I have
talked about it with a couple
of friends. And I found my racquetball stuff and put it in the car,
I think. I talked to someone about playing racquetball, too. I will
need some different activities to keep the exercise going soon.
- Take Bridge lessons and learn
more about Bridge.I tried to sign up for Bridge
lessons at the club. (Bridge and Tennis...that's so, so retired!) But
they didn't get enough people who wanted to play. Maybe I'll have to
read Bridge books. I have about two dozen and soon, with my displacement
cleaning, they will all be neatly organized into one spot.
- Cook more. Start making crêpes
again. Where did I get the crêpes idea.
Still, it's a good one. I have cooked a little more than usual, but
not much. On the other hand, I'll soon have the cookbooks all in one
place and the refrigerator cleaned out!
- Get the closets, garage, drawers,
shed, yard, storage room clean and keep them that way.Good
thing I made this one since all I seem to get to is cleaning. It's going
oh, so slowly, though that it may take all year.
- Learn to make a movie.I
have looked longingly at the books and the instruction manual for the
XL1 I have access to.
- Learn more about photography.Does
buying a new camera count? Wait...I did that before the end of the year.
- Geez, this list is too long...make
shorter lists.Really, I need to spend less
time making lists and more time checking things off.
- Ride the bus and write about
it.I actually reviewed the Capital Metro Web
site and I've saved up quarters. If I do this and write about it, will
it count as writing or is that just my usual journal?
- Get my mother's things sold or
given away or packed and sent to my relatives.My
sister promised to come and help. But I'm saving her some boxes and
bubble wrap.
- Read more books.I
am definitely reading more.
- Do some Windows programming and
JavaScript and learn Linux.Does it count that
I moved books around on these topics while cleaning?
- Hmmm...it's the same every year,
isn't it? Why don't I make one list for all time (work harder, read,
write, exercise, eat better, learn stuff, save money, lose weight, be
a better person).Nah, this is more fun!
The resolutions could just be
the retirement report I guess. But with the
retirement report (four months! zowie!) we are more looking at where all
that time goes and how that feels rather than just what the accomplishments
are, strictly speaking.
Well, some
days it feels insanely good, I have to say. I'll be picking out
a good book to read or deciding that I can visit with my dad, have lunch
with my husband and walk for an hour and a half and then exercise
and read. All in one day that isn't a weekend. Other
times, it feels a little tense deciding how to spend the time.
Because chats, lunch, exercise and all that don't feel productive and
they don't contribute to the bottom line or domestic success of the family.
I know I'm displacing with all the
cleaning that I try to dress up as domestic necessity. But I'm not sure
what I want to accomplish either so the cleaning is good. Better not to
start doing wrong thing! As I go about cleaning and exercising
and socializing and such, I'm outlining fiction and non-fiction in my
head. I'm thinking about what the real problems are that one might solve
and either make money or save the world. Really. Now, I always engaged
in these thoughts when I wasn't thinking about work. Sometimes even when
I was allegedly at work. But things should be different now. I
should have time to actually take action, right?
No thoughts of marketing software
or inventing new software features or solving corporate politcal problems
come rumbling in and mess up my thoughts. (Although occasionally I'll
think briefly about my old life and ideas for that profession, the ideas
don't occupy big chunks of mental energy and I never think about the politics
that, when you work, creep in until they sometimes dominate all technical
thought.)
I'm getting more and more focused
on some nexus of purpose that is just a little unformed. Yeah, that's
it.
People ask me what I've been doing
and I either say "I exercise every day." or "Nothing."
The first is pretty darn true. The second isn't really but I like saying
it. I like having the courage to say it while thinking of myself reading
a book while sitting around in sweaty clothes with my hair going in nine
directions. I like the look on people's faces when they realize what a
stance that is for someone whose hair isn't gray yet. You know what they
say...living well is the best revenge. Now I just have to find this book
I have that is perfectly useless except for its title (Living without
a Goal) and display it prominently where guests can see it.
But, seriously, I'm not panicked
yet, but at some point I might want to be able to recite some accomplishments,
even if I still say "Nothing."
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JUST
TYPING