Friday, December 20, 2002

a billboard on a London building, 1999

"The tracking and deciphering and organizing of life's significance can swamp the actual living of it."

Jonathan Franzen, introduction to Paula Fox's Desperate Characters, 1999

It is not enough to be h

I am calmer when I wake up. I've now been retired three months. I should be calm. This is the three month anniversary of my retirement.

I spend the first hour and a half after rising writing my journal entry, working on some other writing. Before I retired, I started going to work at 9 or 9:30 whenever I thought I could get away with it (no pressing deadline, no meeting) and I would write. Usually just makng a journal entry, but it was something. I imagined being able to do that and then do other things I really wanted to do instead of going to work. That would be so nice. It has been nice. Still, structure and discipline has to come from inside. And sometimes there is none there.

So, yeah...it's the three-month anniversary of my retirement. Three months ago I went to the office, removed the last of my things, turned in my keys, talked to personnel and my boss. I kept my security card until the evening party when I cheerfully turned it over to him. I can honestly say that I haven't regreted it for a minute other than wishing it wasn't such a hassle to get medical insurance and such. I tell some people that I miss the money. But I don't really. I have more than I probably deserve. I'd like to give more away but, for myself and FFP, we will be fine barring something awful. We have to be more conservative but it's sort of fun. Anyway, I won't bore you with the full retirement report unless you want to read it.

I kept putting off going to work out until I was a little bit rushed. I didn't want to be rushed getting to the lunch date so I only rode the bike for about thirty minutes and only did part of the arm weight machines that I usually do. It wasn't a bad workout, though.

Then I showered up and decided to give some festive Christmas kitchen towels to my mates I was meeting for lunch and tied some curling ribbon around them. I had plenty of time to get there and I actually was the first to arrive but I wasn't all that early because I went the long way. I always seem to be going the long or slow way these days and I like it. Our old Japanese Restaurant haunt (Kyoto II) has converted half (actually more) of the restaurant to the deal where the guy grills in front of you. Personally, I think it's a mistake. (Think of the AC in the summer.) But the food tasted good and they still serve gyoza...and we had some and some edamame for apps. You can go in the back part for sushi and (I presume) Japanese food without drama.

After lunch I decide I'll go to Sam's if it's not too crowded. It doesn't seem bad. (I find a parking place easily.) I get a couple of kinds of cheese, some spinach/artichoke dip, some Clementines and a few things like paper towels, zip lock bags, Comet and a calendar for my mother-in-law.

At home, I intend to call my dad but he drives up as I'm unpacking Sam's stuff and getting in the garbage can. He's been to the bank so he just decides to come and stay at our house since I've invited him to go out with me and my girlfriends tonight.

FFP has assigned me a couple of thank you notes and so I make one of my little personalized ones. Because, when you have time, you simply fill it. That's the way it is.

Before I know it, FFP has gone out to a reception for The Nutcracker and SuRu comes by to pick up Dad and I. We go to 34th Street and have a wonderful meal starting with some french fries to share. I have this great pork loin with a jalapeno potato pancake and spaghetti squash and a chutney or thick sauce that is to die for (but I don't remember what it was). We drink some Shiraz and Dad tells stories of his trip and I pass out calendars I made for the gals and we get candy from See's in California like always.

Home again, I get a call that FFP is going to stay until the end of the performance of The Nutcracker. I decide to finish up my journal and then read. We are going to try for an early start tomorrow on walkies. Well, 8am anyway.

JUST TYPING
In the first year.
Every month anniversary counts.
Then we switch.
To a different scale.
We also consider the even decades.
The portions of one hundred.
Adding significance.
To mark a life, a relationship, a state of being.