fathers

My dad's first present is to get to spend a few hours with Mom. Yeah, I'm greedy for a little time to myself to write and think and sip coffee. I sleep in first, encouraged by a rain storm. I answer e-mails, talk to a friend on the phone, stuff like that.

But I relieve him at eleven and send him off to a Father's Day cookout. I give him a shirt and some undershirts. And a card.

Mom is having delusions. She isn't sure where she is. She's had a bad night. Complained of pain. They start her on some new pain killer. With the Dilaudid on demand. The new pain killer (or something) makes her laugh and giddy and delusional.

Dad relieves me and FFP and I go to Houston's and we go back. The pain has broken through. She is delusional and in pain. It isn't a happy thing. I stay and see her through all the nightly meds. Her blood pressure is very high. They give her something for that. She gets a squirt of Dilaudid. It finally gives her some relief. I talk to her about trying to sleep, asking the nurse for the pain med. She wants to know if I will repeat my phone number to her. Don't call me, I say, the nurse will...ask the nurse. She is short of breath and the nurse and I help her cough some and she suctions her. I'm not hopeful for a good night. But I leave her. She says she is exhausted. So am I.