Saturday. December 29, 2001

our dinner with Allan

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."

Muhammad Ali

I stayed up too late after my projects. So it's hard to wake up and I keep talking FFP into 'five more minutes.' Then a friend calls ('other LB, she calls herself) and invites us to dinner. I feign that she didn't wake us but she knows better. I explain that we already have dinner plans.

We do a few things and our friend Laurie comes over and FFP interviews her for a column he is doing. We listen to her and find out that her husband's grandfather built our house. That he still lives in a house down the street (at 97) that has a kitchen like this one.

I think about walking the dog but we go see Shipping News instead. It's a pretty good movie, really. As it starts I'm thinking that I like movies better that are set in cities as it opens...but this one uses the rawness of Newfoundland to draw the characters lifesize. FFP has read the book. I haven't so I don't have that to compare to. He says it is about as good a job as they could do, that the Kevin Spacey character was considerably more goofy ('doofus' he says) in the book but how could they do that? It's a movie. This tracks with reviews I've been reading.

Before the movie, I've looked at the calendars left at Barnes and Noble that are 50% off. I try to decide between two English 'word-a-day' calendars or a Yiddish word and culture page-a-day calendar or one with a color picture of France for every day. I'd really like a French word-a-day. So I don't pick any of them. After the movies, I try Borders but I don't buy one there either. (Tomorrow I will go on-line with Barnes & Noble and see if I can just get the ones I want shipped.)

At home, we have a snack and then decide to exercise. FFP goes to the club and I go walking. SuRu agrees to go along even though her dog is at camp. We solve the world's problems. Especially the problems of friendship and its responsibilities. Each of us has a friend that we've grown apart from. In her case, she is no longer interested in pursuing it because their interests are different. In my case, the person is totally (and inexpictably to my mind) shutting me out suddenly. I think my friend (ex-friend?) should tell me why. Maybe. She wonders if she should tell her friend why. It's different, though. In her case, it's just a gradual, compatibility thing. In mine, I'm pretty sure the person has responded to something I did or she thinks I did. As usual, we use these cases to explore friendship in the abstract. How people get things from their friendship relationships (non-romantic ones) and how it's a give and take and requires maintenance, etc.

I get a shower and we gather up stuff to go have dinner at a friend's house. His last day of work is Monday and he'll be retired. I have a gift for him (travel stuff) and a bottle of Graves for the fish course (and a backup white Burgundy in case that's off) and a backup bottle of Champagne (or an extra gift if his old Dom is good). We gather all this up. The alarm goes off when FFP tries to return for his Lactaid. We sort all that and are still pathologically punctual.

The other guests arrive and we have the Dom. The cork breaks in two while FFP tries to ease it off. It's brittle at the top. I try using a normal cork screw to extricate it and finally succeed. It tastes great. We have some apps and then settle in for a great soup that was chestnut and something else, a scallop appetizer with almonds and cream, a sorbet, boeuf bourguignon with mushrooms, onions, potatoes and haricots verts and a chocolate mouse with candied orange peel and fresh whipped cream. Appropriate and delicious wines appear at the appropriate times and the table setting is beautiful. We finish our great conversation over coffee and brandy.

Good wine, good food, good friends, good conversation. That's the good life. I hope retirement agrees with our friend and comes soon for all of us. We discuss homes and money and taste and travel and drinking. Two of the other guests I'd met briefly before but I know feel like they could be friends for life. Good folks to ask to parties. One of the other guests I'd visited with before a little more but I especially enjoyed him tonight. We talk to our host about the great, yawning span of retirement time coming. After my 'vacation at home' I think I know what that is going to feel like. I think it's going to be good.

One thing I worked on today was my obiturary. FFP and I decided it would be good to have a file with insurance, arrangements, wills and desires should anything happen. We have the wills made out of course and medical powers of attorney and such. We decide to just keep up our obit that we'd like to see and our desires for memorial. FFP's was, of course, a nice piece of writing. I'm really glad to have it just in case although he has sworn that he will 'will himself to outlive me' so it will just help those who come after. I hope. Anyway, mine is hard to write. Not because I'm afraid to die or anything. Just hard to get the words right. Maybe himself will edit it for me.

JUST TYPING
Having fun.
Feeling guilty.
Sigh.
But why?
Life is pleasure.
Or pain.
Choose pleasure.