Monday

July 30, 2001

thinking of retirement

Mondays are hard to swallow. I put the final touches on a presentation for a conference in October. Because it's due this week to the conference for approval and the CD.

So, yeah, I worked. I told co-workers the most amazing piece of work news. I fielded a couple of calls. People assuming that I can make a situation better. And, with the new organization I have, I may be able to do it.

I had lunch with a Nancy. She proved to me, during our conversation that my instincts about some things are right on. About other things, I'm always surprised.

I stopped by the parents after work. They are always glad to see me. Mom talked about a trip to Salado she plans. Dad said he'd finished several books. The only one he hadn't started was Phantoms in the Brain, a book about the workings of brain and mind. "I'm saving the doctor's book untl last. I figured it would hold me the longest." I read into that statement that he will have plenty of time to secure another pile of books from the Preece-Ball lending library. He writes me a check to pay his bills for the month. He asks if he shouldn't give me more. I tell him we will look at it in a couple of months, especially when we pay the taxes, and see what is fair. They tell me about their errands to banks and doctors, their social events. They tell me the dryer broke down and that Forrest sent someone to fix it but they paid for it. They want me to know they are doing their part.

At home, FFP has decided on Salmon for dinner. Gayle, our bookkeeper, stayed for dinner so he's gotten an extra piece of it. They are cooking it up and making spinach salads and have opened some canned asparagus. We eat, drink some wine and watch reruns of Monday night shows.

If I were retired, I'd read the papers in the morning when they arrive. Why, you were asking, don't I do that on the weekends. Because on the weekends, the mornings are reserved for walks in the neighborhood and it's in the natural order of things to delay the newspaper. If I were retired, though, I might play tennis or work out in the morning on weekdays. But couldn't you, you ask, get up early and do that before work? Well, yes. But before work I usually finish my journal entry. If I were retired, I'd domy journal entry throughout the day.

I am thinking of retiring at 55. Doesn't 55 seem old? I'm still pretty healthy but maybe in two years I won't be. If we only knew how much time we'd get, we could plan. Fifty-five seems old. ues it does. Fifty-five is far away, too. Two years. And yet close. Only two years. I want to be retired while I have my health and can travel and still go up and down steps and walk miles through foreign streets and musuems. But, you were asking, don't you get five weeks of vacation? Isn't this plenty of time off to travel. You would think so. But it seems to go quickly. And if you use it for travel, then you don't have those wonderful days off at home. When you read the paper in the morning.

If I were retired, I'd take advantage of tennis activities at my club. Which all seem to be during the work day. And I'd learn to play bridge. Forrest, too. And we'd play duplicate in the card room. Before or after our swim.

It would be good to be retired. But what I have to do is try to make my working life seem more like retirement. Spend my time off from work doing the things I really want to do.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is one. I'm not sure which feeling is less comfortable.

The navigation stuff on the edges of this page are too busy. I know that. I over-decorate. I envy people who make pages that are sparse and lovely. Maybe someday.

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Vegas shot. No reason, just sorting pictures.

"Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will respect you most.."

Samuel Johnson

egregious beau geste... it's just typing.....