It's getting harder to take.
Last week was a source of infinite pain. Monday morning, bright and
early, my bedrock, month-in, month- out account called up and said that
the national outfit which bought them a few years ago is going bankrupt.
That means I get stuck for $5000 worth of bills (Lord knows, the radio
stations don't cut me any slack) and I may not even have the account
when the new bunch of big shots take it over.
I've been on the verge of throwing up ever since. After the drubbing
I've taken on the market, I was already numb. All last weekend, I went
through mental exercises trying to make myself feel better. I was almost
happy Monday morning, then I take a shot like that. I'll give the client
credit. (Yeah well, I did that, too.) He said that I was the first guy
he called. They gave me a letter of guarantee for going forward, but
who knows how much longer I'll get revenue from them? Money isn't the
point--we've got enough to cover the hit. It's just that my feelings
of self-worth are so tied up with this business and as it fritters away,
I'm left with emptiness.
The other day my bookkeeper asked me what my passion was if I didn't
run Good Right Arm any more. Heck, that's the only I've had for 24 years--making
this rowboat stay between the lines. On paper, I'm so fortunate--I have
the best wife in the world, we have lots of resources, no debt, friends,
contacts, it all makes so much sense. But darnit, when do I get to feel
good about it all?